Abby Winters
I award because I love. These fleshy Sapphic Australians squish and frot together with their armpit hair, belly rolls, tribal tattoos, Linda Koslowski aspirations, Lord of the Rings-adjacent accents, mannish underpants, flushed cheeks, natural breasts, and an amazing ability to pick the most boring titles ever.
Hidden Desires? It sounds like a Skinemax movie that ends up having Peter Coyote in it.
I just now realized I wrote about this before.
But I am not one of those people who criticizes without offering solutions. Fly me to Australia, “Abby Winters,” and I will reveal the secrets of naming porn titles so that people don’t think you’re trying to sell them living room furniture with an upholstered compartment for the remote controls.
Not going to fly me to Australia? Fair dinkum. Dingoes ate my baby anyway, and Gulpilil owes me money. I’ll tell you for free:
Simply substitute one word in any AC/DC song with a part of the female anatomy and you’ll have a surefire sales juggernaut.
I can’t wait to watch Sydney’s fleshy finest romping through “Dirty [Vulvas} Done Dirt Cheap” or “For Those About To {Funbags}, We Salute You.”
Previously on Porn Valley Observed: Livingston Taylor at the Wombat Room; Oi my aching back; Cultural learnings of the Abby Winters girls
See also: Abby Winters
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