“Fly Girls”: When you have a choice in airport-oriented porn comedies
“Fly Girls” was so good I actually gave it to my friend for his birthday. If I had given him “Flight Attendants,” he would no longer be my friend.
Month: February 2010
“Spirit Camp”: Cheerleaders travel to 1986, disrobe, are killed
“If my tits are what get me in the door, then good for me. Because once I get in the door, they see that I am a good actress and that I take my work seriously.”
Sound-down PornTM: Toil, trouble, and teeth in “American Made”
As America’s Beloved Porn Journalist, I am delighted to tell you that most porn stars are much cooler in person than they seem in their movies, where they can often appear retarded.
“Rawhide II: Dirty Deeds” – Hey lady, that’s not ranch dressing!
One of the many testaments to the thoughtful direction and restraint of “Rawhide II” is that it wasn’t named “Boner-anza.”
Whatever works: Goodbye, Jamie Gillis
Jamie Gillis, an actor whose eccentric and devious performances made porn seem like performance art, died February 19. He was 66.
It’s always Fashion Week at Rick’s Cabaret
Imagine the stripper pole like a skewer and the dancers like kebabs moving up and down them. At the end of the skewer? Your lap.
Today in couples’ porn: “Suck It Bitch”
The movie gives us wholesome alternatives to overused terms of endearment like “You complete me,” “I feel safe with you,” and “Gram, you are my home and I will love you forever.”
Sunset Thomas gives comfort to aging punks
There’s something about a gracefully aging porn star, maybe sadder but wiser, that seems to give comfort to aging men.
Come and play with Alix Lakehurst … forever
If you were Delbert Grady, wouldn’t you like to correct Alix Lakehurst? And what is it about hotel hallways that makes women so vulnerable?
Pink Visual sues tubes, charges Canadians with vag overfishing
Sundown, you better take care, if I find you been uploading pirated content to those tube sites, there
Glory (Hallelujah) Days: “When They Were Sinners”
Michelle Avanti is doubly-penetrated in an exact replica of St. Peter’s crucifixion. And a freeze frame of Erin Moore contemplating Sledge Hammer’s penis makes her look like Sauyl on the road to Damascus.
Wankus goes into the light
To watch Wankus tweaking about Jesus in the same way he would about Mika Tan three years ago, makes being born again look less like salvation than a more reputable box to put one’s craziness in.
“Mork & Mandy”: Once, people would buy anything
Would it have killed them to throw in an Exidor? Yes, probably. But Tyler Faith fills me with Mearth.
Drain Your Balls before Supper: “It’s A Mommy Thing! 5”
“Did you know that it’s unhealthy for you not to drain your balls?” asks Sky Taylor. Sadly, her appointment as Surgeon General was stalled.
Yo Jenna Jenna
Jameson denies rumors that she will be the Yo Gabba Gabba troupe’s sixth member, Teetoe
Finish this sentence: The sex-slicked torso of Holly Wellin…
Why don’t these devoted shadow readers submit answers for the chance at fabulous prizes? I thought.
Because they are more excited by the unknown, I sagely answered.
XBiz L.A. wrap-up: “The pond gets smaller so the fish get bigger”
Nina Hartley, meanwhile, gave a very-present Evan Stone his Best Actor trophy, and they groped each other for a good minute while I stood by, alone, waiting for my chance to do things to Kane that would make the Kama Sutra curl up and explode.
Getting Hummers at XBiz L.A.
“Where do you think we’ll be a year from now?” Piccionelli asked the panelists. I really wanted someone to say, “soliciting bus fare,” but no one did.
Today in gerunds: “Asphyxiating Ariel”
“Educating Rita,” “Driving Miss Daisy,” Eating Raoul,” “Boxing Helena,” Deconstructing Harry,” “Being John Malkovich,” – um – “Romancing the Stone,” “Leaving Las Vegas,” and now “Asphyxiating Ariel.”
Call for suggestions: Presenter etiquette at the XBiz Awards
I will be presenting the Best Actress trophy at this year’s XBiz Awards, but I am unsure of how I should comport myself.