Mom and pop whores benefit from rising gas prices: Report

While legal brothels in Nevada, zoned for communities of fewer than 400,000 people and often far from interstates, are suffering from the steady increase in gas prices, illegal prostitutes are doing just fine, the National Network of Johns, Pimps, And Prostitute Teamsters (NNJPPT) reported.

“Corporate prostitution is and always has been the bane of the individual practitioner,” said [name withheld], a user of prostitute services in Detroit. MI. “It is only now, when truckers can’t get to the Bunnyranch without shelling out an extra 200 bucks for diesel, that any light is being shined on the millions of streetwalkers, escorts, and hot prosties who don’t have some gated trailer in Pahrump to fellate in.”

A recent Newsweek story said that revenue in legal brothels in Nevada was down by nearly 50 percent across the state, due in part to a flagging economy but also because truckers, who represent a significant amount of bordello customers, could no longer afford to both fill their tanks and clean their pipes.

“And that’s fine by me,” said [name withheld], a rail-thin Reno prostitute delivering a vigorous handjob to [name withheld] in the Atlantis Hotel lobby mens’ room. “America isn’t Wal-Mart; it’s the corner shop where things might not smell as good but, damn it, you get personal service.”

[name withheld] relaxed her grip and effortlessly caught [name withheld]’s issue in a ready Kleenex in her left hand. “I see you’ve had your Zinc today, [name withheld],” she said as he exited and his successor arrived.

“For generations, prostitutes have given head for little or no overhead,” said [name withheld], curator of Miami’s Museum of Hookers, “and while state-sanctioned brothels may have conferred some legitimacy on the profession of hookery, the corporatization of whorehouses has by and large neutered the essentially in-call nature that made a prostitute’s visit more than just a GFE; it was a cultural event.”

[name withheld] said that, when brothels were legalized in Nevada, the retronym “stationary escort” was coined to describe the difference between a mobile prostitute and the kind sequestered in places like the Chicken Ranch.

“We don’t want Middle America to believe that the fate of the stationaries is the fate of the mobiles,” she said.

[name withheld] also warned that the public should not think that, just because one state’s legal prostitution profits are down, that hookers from Freeport to San Diego aren’t benefiting from increased walk-and-bike-up traffic.

“It’s amazing what you can get done in a bicycle basket,” [name withheld] said.

“The only potential side effect to the brothels’ money hemorrhage and increased work for truck stop prostitutes is the resuscitation of the career of JT Leroy.”

Previously: “The Delivery Man”: bodies buried in the desert
See also: Feeling the Pinch: Nevada’s Brothels Hit Hard Times (newsweek)

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