A Haunting in Pornecticut or: Pornynormal Activity

In the movie “Pure MILF 2,” Lisa Ann cuddles up to some dude on his easy chair when a spirit wearing track pants is clearly seen walking by at the top of the stairs.

You needn’t be convinced of the numerous proofs of the paranormal world’s existence, as I know you are all literate and urbane. Furthermore I won’t insult your intelligence by reminding you that the man upon whom Lisa Ann is perched isn’t even credited in the film, which we know enrages the dead and makes unquiet their sleep, prohibiting them from passing to the next plane.

Parapsychologists tell us that ghosts remain when there is unfinished business in their prematurely terminated lives. Clearly the spectre in the tracksuit had suffered an infarction on the way to getting more cologne.

More poignant still is that this is a MILF movie. The appearance of milves, as you know, is the porn world’s acknowledgment of mortality. I wouldn’t be surprised if there are spectral EVF images in hundreds of MILF movies; it just took my sensitivity to other other realms to catch this one.

Perhaps the spirit may have become enraged, too, that Lisa Ann isn’t actually a MILF. “Boooo!” the ghost might have said. “Lisa Ann has never borne children! Boo! She mocks us! Boooo!”

“Pure MILF 2” may be the opening salvo in a summer of pornynormal activities. Luckily, according to AIDS Healthcare Foundation (AHF), wearing condoms wards off vampires.

I am required by conscience to suggest that the apparition may have simply been the very-alive Persian guy who rented the house to director Brother Love that day, but everyone knows that Persians don’t exist.

Buy “Pure MILF 2” here

Previously on Porn Valley Observed: Sucking cocks in Hell—porn stars discuss horror movies
See also: Pure Passion