Anal Mining: What To Expect When We “Drill Her Ass”

This is Sheena Ryder, the juicy 30-year-old star of Mike Adriano’s “Drill Her Ass.” Of Puerto Rican and Greek heritage (which makes me want to eat dinner at her house and leave before her brothers get home), Ryder nevertheless gives up no ore or other minerals when her ass gets drilled.

Drilling has been a presence in the news for the past several years: the British Petroleum disaster in the Gulf of Mexico, the Keystone Pipeline, and President Obama’s disappointing environmental record all revolve around the drilling-based extraction of resources. But even detractors agree that drilling gets results — primarily that Americans are weened from their dependence on foreign oil.

Yet in the four scenes of Adriano’s anal cavalcade, not once do we see Black Gold or Texas Tea erupt from the anuses of any of the women, even the distressingly-spelled Kleio Valentien, who claims to be from Texas. No gold dust pans out from the luxurious folds of Misha Cross and no diamonds tumble from Maddy O’Reilly’s butt. It is as if Adriano is a fisherman who throws back his catches; he loves the process but isn’t interested in the result.

To be fair, Adriano looks like he enjoys what he’s doing, and these women don’t seem to be responsible for billions of dollars of wetlands damage throughout Louisiana and Mississippi, so I guess there’s no harm done.

But just once I’d like to see someone’s ass drilled for a million gallons of crude. It’s the same reason I’m surprised the price of wheat is so high with all the pussies getting ploughed around here.

Buy “Mike Adriano’s Drill Her Ass” here.