Apple to grateful nation: GramPonante.com available on iPad

GramPonante.com: Porn Valley Observed will be available on all models of Apple’s iPad.

“It’s a website, right?” Apple CEO Steve Jobs said. “It’s viewable on computers? Then of course you can see it on the iPad.”

Apple’s long-rumored tablet computer, announced today in San Francisco and with price points from $499 to $699, is set to launch in March with more than 14,000 possible applications, including the Cupertino-based company’s Safari web browser, on which GramPonante.com can be accessed.

“What you do is type ‘http://gramponante.com’ in there,” Jobs said, “or even ‘gramponante.com’ or even just type in ‘Gram Ponante’ or ‘Ponante.’ You’ll still get to the same high-quality site, except now it will be 9.7 inches like certain parts of Gram’s anatomy.”

The device, which combines the recurring expense of the iPhone without a laptop’s functionality, can be whizzed like a frisbee or, with luck, tucked into the prehensile labia of any of your favorite porn performers.

“At just 1.5 pounds,” said Jenny Hendrix, “I could hold the iPad and three or four Blackberrys, no problem.”

But Apple snuck in a little hysteria-dampening language on its site today.

“The iPad has not yet been authorized as required by the rules of the Federal Communications Commission. This device is not, and may not be, offered for sale or lease, or sold or leased, until authorization is obtained.”

That means that my patented HookerSearch app, with full-color graphic photos and instructions, might be on ice for a little longer, or at least until Microsoft’s tablet comes out.

Previously on Porn Valley Observed: Jenny Hendrix keeps in touch; Jenna Jameson marries iPhone; Apple leaves MacWorld for Adult Entertainment Expo
See also: Apple