“Arch Enemies”

Studio: Chatsworth Pictures
Director: Cram and Grip Johnson
Cast: Sierra Sinn, Brooklyn Night, Michelle Sweet, Deja Daire, Tyla Wynn, Desire Moore, Nicki Hunter, Genesis Skye, Annie Cruz, Macee Morrison, Lilliana Monroe, Celestia Star

I don’t understand the foot fetish, so I thought I’d review the foot fetish film Arch Enemies. It is the porn equivalent of my discussing mortgage rates or the Masons with you.

Do you know how the Clampetts of ‘Beverly Hillbillies’ would do all sorts of egregiously inappropriate things and not know how egregiously inappropriate they were being, due to their lack of culture? I will endeavor to avoid any such slights brought about by my hayseed’s knowledge of foot worship by describing everything I can.

From the moment Sierra Sinn and Deja Daire announced they were the namesakes of the movie, I knew I was in for some work. The camera pulled back to reveal the two on their knees in front of Chris Mountain (shoe size 13). Mountain was in shorts and reclining on a leatherette couch placed in a linoleum-tiled room.

Am I making you hot, fetishists?

The two girls got busy putting Mountain’s feet in their mouths. Is it part of the allure to have clean feet or dirty feet? If his feet were dirty, the girls didn’t seeem to mind, as they attacked his piggies with gusto. After some more conventional porn movie moves like blowjobs (albeit with a strong foot inflection and Sinn’s penchant to spit on Mountain’s toes the way one wood a penis in any other filthy movie), the gang retired to the couch for some pedal resolution of Mountain’s needs.

What with Mountain looking at the camera every now and then and Daire appearing like she was hoping to be paid in cash, I couldn’t imagine what new wonders the next several scenes could possibly present me.

The following scenes did not vary from the pattern of two girls on one guy with no penile/vaginal interplay. It reminded me of the Far Side cartoon depicting amoebae restrooms (“Only they know the difference”); I knew there must be variations a foot afficianado would pick up, but I could only notice similarities in formula.

“The foot thing is bigger than anyone thought it would be,” director Grip Johnson told me, echoing the words of Gina Lynn, who remarked several days before that she hadn’t known how popular the foot market was in porn until someone gasped when she told him she had size fours.

Watching several performers I’d seen before in non-fetish fare made me again respect the work these people do. I’m not kidding. It’s one thing to keep it hard or wet under the hot lights, but it is another to transition with aplomb to a subgenre in which the rules aren’t familiar. The Johnson Brothers don’t make particularly expensive movies (the money goes to their press releases), so I’d be interested to see what a big-budget footie movie for high-end purists would look like.

Back in Arch Enemies, Annie Cruz, the trooper, gave it her all in a scene with Macee Morrison and Guy Dasilva. The scene looked like it meant something to her. I just noticed the costumes.

I comfort myself that, in situations where, say, looking at feet might make one ill, looking at costumes instead doesn’t make one gay.

How did Chris Mountain prepare himself for the role?

“I am wearing all the time: boots,” he said.

Buy “Arch Enemies” here