Ass-Cube: the "Friday" parody

The “Friday” porn parody, even more than “This Ain’t Married with Children” and “The Sex Files,” will be accepted and revered by fans of the original. It is just as topical, fun, and thoughtfully brainless as the 1995 movie starring Ice Cube and Chris Tucker.

And it sticks to the spirit of the original in that most of the dialogue consists of the interjection “Damn!”

Studio: Zero Tolerance
Director: Dawayne Dane
Starring: Divine, Brooklyn Carter, Natasha Dulce, Melrose Foxxx, Janae Foxxx, Luxury Play, Aryana Adin, Nyomi Banxxx, Porsha Carrera, Wesley Pipes, Prince Yahshua, Lee Bang, Mark Anthony, Tony Flush, Cuntre Pipes, Money C., Nat Turnher, DSnoop, Mya C., Mz. Twilight, Chuck T.

Craig and Tookie hang out on their porch and encounter neighborhood drug dealers, crackheads, whores, and other characters in a vague plot involving dick pills.

But if you like your porn parodies reminiscent of the original but with sex that would make sense to a porned-up version of the source material, “Friday” is your movie times ten. Writer/director Dawayne Dane and a cast of dozens capture the spirit of the F. Gary Gray South Central slacker epic that made Ice Cube a film mogul.

Nothing much happens in the porn “Friday” (or the mainstream one) save for the comings and goings of various stereotypes. But these characters are hammily acted by Porn Valley performers who don’t usually have the chance to be anything but gangbang thugs or dialogue-less Hos in quickly-forgotten gonzo porns, so it’s fun to watch people like Lee Bang, Nyomi Banxxx, Melrose Foxxx, Prnce Yahshua, Aryana Adin, Nat Turnher, and Dsnoop, Brooklyn Carter, and Mark Anthony (among others) act, especially with lines like:

“My cousin’s friend’s sister’s friend’s auntie said you was a bitch-ass nigga”

and

“They better look like Janet Jackson instead of Freddie Jackson”

and

“Damn!”

Not only that, but unlike “Not the Cosbys,” every performer in “Friday” is black. That is an extreme rarity in feature porn.

And, as a Black Man, I am happy to report that each of the female castmembers is a fine-ass bitch, as any discerning fan of an Ice Cube movie would demand.

That said, it wouldn’t have killed director Dane to light or mike the movie better, or pay a little more attention to the plot. We watch people leave the house at night and emerge in the daylight, we see spotlights on the wall, we miss what might be funny dialogue because the director was perhaps too overwhelmed to demand a second take; viewers expect good production value even in a movie about lazy people.

But the greatest missed opportunity of “Friday” is that it appears to have been filmed in Porn Valley, 20 miles north of (the former) South Central. That’s like filming “The Wire” porn parody in New Hampshire.