AVN Expo begins

As a service to everyone who might find their booth furniture ($2100) not delivered, their high-speed Internet service ($1895) not hooked up, their registration lost in a power surge (45 minutes), or their contract stars overdosed (priceless), I have taken the liberty of pre-writing AVN’s show opening article.

AEE Opens to Unprecedented Excitement

The Adult Entertainment Expo opened today to unprecedented crowds who were excited. “We’re very excited about the next few days,” AVN President Paul Fishbein told AVN.com in an exclusive interview. “We have more exhibitors, more stars, and more fans than ever before. I’m very excited.” Also excited were the numerous company owners whose studios are represented on the floor of the Sands Convention Center in Las Vegas. “We are very excited,” said Digital Playground’s Joone. His partner, Samantha Lewis, added, “What is particularly exciting is the presence of our contract stars, especially Jesse Jane, Sophia Santi, Shay J., Jana Cova, Katsumi, and former Vivid Girl but now Digital Playground contract girl Lacie Heart.” Jane, who is also excited, said so. “I am very excited to be here at AEE: Sexy! Powerful!” Jane giggled. “I can’t wait to see who wins the awards!” Exhibiting an alternative form of excitement were Vivid-alt’s stable of directors and stars. “I’m excited about making porn for that couple,” Eon McKai said, pointing to a mohawked pair loitering nearby. “What really excites me, though, is this new band I found on MySpace. Wait a minute – I have their stickers somewhere. Hold on, I’ll get some.” In another booth, Jeff Mullen of AllMediaPlay expressed his excitement. “I just got blown in the bathroom,” Mullen said. “It was exciting. But in the walk from the bathroom to here, I’ve completely forgotten who it was. I hope it wasn’t someone my company doesn’t represent.” Gram Ponante, spokesmodel for the Former AVN Staffers of America (Local 314), said, “I’m still waiting to get into 2003’s Jill Kelly party.” Check back for constant exciting and unprecedented updates.