AVN: The only numbers you can trust

Number of subscriptions to BurningAngel.com Joanna Angel gave to a fan who brought her some cold medicine: 1
Number of times Eon McKai was overheard saying “I’m sorry my work confuses you”: 3
Number of times Performer of the Year Sasha Grey said “fucking” to CBS’ Bill Geiss: 2
Number of seconds it took: 2
Estimated airings this 20-second interview will receive on CBS: 0
Number of terrible, wonderful things I want to do to Unsung Starlet Gianna: 35
Suite number of the party at which Satine Phoenix was naked: 211
Temperature of that room, in fahrenheit degrees: 102
Number of fans in wheelchairs spotted at the AVN Expo: 46
Number of dwarves, midgets, and assorted little people: 23
Number of morbidly obese: 8
Number of these who were also in wheelchairs: 2
Percentage of AVN Awards I agreed with: 21
Face value of AVN Awards tickets being scalped in Mandalay Bay Events Center: $212
Scalped value: $150
Number of sales of scalped tickets I witnessed: 4
Times Ann Marie flashed me: 3
Number of pictures I was able to get of this: 0
Pieces of tape on Stoya’s nipples: 4
Jagermeisters consumed by me between Wednesday and Sunday morning: 36
Things I did over the week that I now consider “inappropriate”: 4
Percentage of these that occured on Sunday morning: 100
Number of times I met Abby Winters: 0
Number of times I met Mr. Skin: 1
Number of people who walked the red carpet: 203
Number of times Eva Angelina walked the red carpet: 2
Price, in dollars, to amply feed four grown men at the Ellis Island Casino: 42
Price for same group at the Grand Lux Cafe: 213
Price of one dinner at Morton’s Steak House: 183
Height, in feet, of Aiden Starr: 5
Feet from the ground at which a certain part of me tops off: 5
Number of “circle bar”s in Las Vegas that are actually circles: 0
Number of interview requests turned down by Robin Leach at the red carpet: 3
Number of times Leach’s photographer asked Jenna Jameson what her name was: 2
Bodyguards from Detroit hired by Digital Playground: 3
Number of AVN awards won this year by people with whom I’ve had feuds: 0
Rank of seashell as shape of pasties on display: 1
Number of times I was refused a posed photograph: 1
Number of times it was Matt Zane who refused it: 1
Age, in months, of Jean Laconia, performing her first scene (for Gazzman and Dave West) on camera: 220
Amount of years I assumed she’d been doing porn, what with her filthy mouth: 5-10
Increase of awards, in percentage, since last year: 0
Increase of awards, in percentage, since 1984: 700
More years required until the actual 25th anniversary of the AVN Awards, as opposed to the 25th anniversary of AVN: 1
Order, in Google entries, of Britney Spears, Jenna Jameson, Tera Patrick, Jesse Jane, Jamie Lynn Spears, and Stormy Daniels: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6
Amount of hours I slept during the week of CES and AVN: 14
Amount of hours I slept the night I returned home: 14

Gram the Man

Gram Ponante is America's Beloved Porn Journalist

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5 Responses

  1. Professor Pickles says:

    Several things:

    1. Kudos on the supposed “inappropriate” things which commenced (possibly involving Jean Laconia invokes double kudos).

    2. As far as the gallery goes my porn recognition has been slipping so I need names attached to those faces, Ponante. NAMES.

    2a: I was going to compliment you on you on the lack of Dana Dearmond photos but after some eyestraining and a few repressed memory sessions with my therapist I found out you do indeed have some so… boo.

    2b: However the lovely Ms. Lakehurst more than makes up for that.

    2c: Did Tommy Pistol impregnate Gia Paloma with his alt-spunk?

    3. I hope you had a good time.

  2. Gram the Man says:

    Thankyou, Professor. I knew that I was taking a picture of Dana DeArmond, and did so with the hope that someday everything will again be All Right.

    I will label those photos when I am fully returned and my website is updating correctly. You see, I got hacked in the past week and some things are still awry (that is why your comments did not immediately show up).

  3. chawkc says:

    Hey Gram, great pictures, I was there as a fan and wish I got what you got. The pictures of the beautiful Alix Lakehurst make me even more envious. Thanks for your work, always a joy to read.

  4. Kami says:

    best update yet

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