Before America was America: Your people call it porn, We call it Tanner Mayes

As you well know, I am descended from ancient astronauts who mingled with my Anasazi forebears. My habit of squirting my phone number on your back comes directly from the crop circles my extraterrestrial ancestors created for the noble native peoples of this land.

That is why I also remember to use all of the buffalo. For an article I am writing about the charming Tanner Mayes in Hustler’s upcoming All Sex issue, I took her to a magical location populated with the spirits of America’s pioneers.

But our idyll was interrupted by a school group who doubtless know a lot more now than they ever expected when their parents were filling out permission slips. So I present this photo of Mayes’ nipples to you here.

That said, it was amazing how the Mazola commercials of the last century combined with a traditional American frugality and the uniquely 21st century repurposing of content to make this, something I like to call porn goodness.

I like Tanner Mayes a lot. And if you don’t know her, you should.

Hustler’s next All Sex issue appears on newsstands and will be delivered in plain brown wrappers this summer.

Previously on Porn Valley Observed: Gracie Glam and Tanner Mayes (Fleshbot artcle); Casey Parker and California’s Pioneers
See also: Hustler, Tanner Mayes

6 thoughts on “Before America was America: Your people call it porn, We call it Tanner Mayes

  1. Once, when I was working retail, after a particularly difficult customer had left, one of the assistant managers came back to the back of the shop, fuming, and said “That guy needs a good cornholing!” Managing an admirably completely straight face, another coworker said “My people call it maizeholing.”

  2. Your writing is concise and dry in its humor and your witticisms make me laugh. I thought I was going to get to say hello tonight (the FSC public announcement on anti-piracy), but I did not. Oh, well. Maybe some other time.

  3. Being over 70 yrs old and following porn for a long time, Tanner Mayes is the best yet! Watching her has cured my prostrate problem. GO TANNER!!

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