“Big Butt Cowgirl Pinups”: The Horses Wonder Who You Are

Phoenix Marie, her long blonde hair flowing from under a cowboy hat, bursting out of her workshirt and denim cutoffs, is exactly the right person to star in a movie called “Big Butt Cowgirl Pinups.”

But Ron Jeremy dressed as a clown?

Studio: Tom Byron Pictures
Director: Lizzy Borden
Starring: Phoenix Marie, Raylene, Gracie Glam, Megan Foxx, Athena Pleasures, Ron Jeremy, Tom Byron, Tommy Gunn, Evan Stone, Anthony Rosano

Was Jeremy on the set of another movie dressed as a clown and wandered onto Lizzy Borden’s picture and wouldn’t leave until he blew a perfectly-times load on Athena Pleasures’ face? Or was he just dressed as a clown for no apparaent reason and wandered onto Lizzy Borden’s picture and wouldn’t leave until he blew a perfectly-times load on Athena Pleasures’ face?

This movie has its heart and butt in the right place. With very limited setups that leave the viewer with the impression that the movie wasn’t so much cast as costumed, “Big Butt Cowgirl Pinups” features game women in windswept, dusty settings getting railed by the likes of Evan Stone, Tommy Gunn, Anthony Rosano, Tom Byron, and Mr. Jeremy himself.

Among Jeremy’s many marketable skills is that he can ejaculate on cue. When Pleasures, who may have had Ron Jeremy on her No list but not Ron Jeremy Dressed As A Clown, counts down from five, the once and future Ron Jeremy Hyatt unloads three weeks of semen on her face at zero. It’s impressive.

But Ron: you are one of porn’s greatest performers. Don’t let them dress you like a clown

Gracie Glam, dressed like Sheryl Crow, does this thing with a lariat in a hayloft that demonstrates the youthful sponginess of her ass. I imagine Laura Ingalls Wilder doing the same thing out on the prairie, and I know that I’m in for some quality pornography.

Ditto Megan Foxx mugging for the camera as Anthony Rosano plays her a ditty. Foxx is the most Sweetheart of the Rodeo of all these girls. She reminds me of Sherilynn Fenn as Curley’s wife in “Of Mice And Men.” If I were a retarded Lenny, I would gladly asphyxiate a puppy for her.

60 percent of the women in this movie are “older,” meaning that they’re over 30. It is these ladies who most embody the spirit of the cowgirl in their independence, breathable fabrics, and big asses. While Raylene has my deepest respect for making Evan Stone say “Wow,” Phoenix Marie has the best line of the movie when she says to Tommy Gunn, “Do you want to bad things to me?”

He doesn’t answer. He just does them. That’s the American West for you.

Buy “Big Butt Cowgirl Pinups” here

Previously on Porn Valley Observed: Here Cums the President—POTUS Interruptus
See also: Tom Byron Pictures