Book: Women need “A Billion Wicked Thoughts,” but men need just one

Neuroscientists Ogi Ogas and Sai Gaddam have, like you, visited millions of porn websites (either that or GramPonante.com 10 billion times) to exhaustively compile and analyze search terms, histories, and patterns. They have published this data in the book “A Billion Wicked Thoughts,” which has yielded results that may surprise you.

According to the book, for example:

•Men and women have hardwired sexual cues analogous to our hardwired tastes-there are sexual versions of sweet, sour, salty, savory, and bitter. But men and women are wired with different sets of cues.
•The male sexual brain resembles a reckless hunter, while the female sexual brain resembles a cautious detective agency.
•Men form their sexual interests during adolescence and rarely change. Women’s sexual interests are plastic and change frequently.
•The male sexual brain is an “or gate”: A single stimulus can arouse it. The female sexual brain is an “and gate”: It requires many simultaneous stimuli to arouse it.
•When it comes to sexual arousal, men prefer overweight women to underweight women, and a significant number of men seek out erotic images of women in their 40s, 50s, and 60s.
•Women enjoy writing and sharing erotic stories with other women. The fastest growing genre of erotic stories for women are stories about two heterosexual men having sex.
•Though the male sexual brain is much more different from the female sexual brain than is commonly believed, the sexual brain of gay men is virtually identical to that of straight men.

I find this fascinating and, as you know, data don’t lie (though how we interpret them is full of flaws).

That said, how can I use these finding to improve my site and make it more appealing to women, who I understand are a significant portion of the population? And how can we use these data in our everyday lives?

1. When speaking with women, make sure to touch them in as many places as possible. Currently I hold them gently by the right breast and vulva during normal interactions like DMV visits and trips to Whole Foods. I will endeavor to change this up by alternately grazing their earlobes with my chin, pouring candle wax on their necks, dry-humping them, and/or settling my testicles on their foreheads.

2. I will include more gay male erotica on my site without compromising my own adolescence-spawned interests. Observe:

Black Sabbath went over to Rush’s house where they played guitars for a while and air hockey because Rush is Canadian. Then Ozzy and Geddy started making out; they were bored because Tony Iommi kept screwing up the opening to “Smoke on the Water.” Then a shark ate Bill Ward, and Alex Lifeson was swallowed by Cthulhu. Then Gwar came over in their Red Barchetta and came on everybody.


Am I right, Ladies??

3. I will include heavier women and older women, and I won’t skimp by doubling up on Raylene.

Order A Billion Wicked Thoughts: What the World’s Largest Experiment Reveals about Human Desire

Previously on Porn Valley Observed: I Didn’t Have the Budget for Anal
See also: A Billion Wicked Thoughts: What the World’s Largest Experiment Reveals about Human Desire

About Gram the Man 4399 Articles
Gram Ponante is America's Beloved Porn Journalist

2 Comments

  1. I don’t know that the curvier comeback Raylene qualifies as either a “heavier woman” exactly, nor as “older,” being only 34–perhaps someone’s been watching nothing but 90 lb, barely-legal girls fucking recently and lost perspective. 😉

    Also, I never thought any amalgamation of words remotely resembling this would ever be said in anything other than jest by yours truly, but Gram: I’d love to read some more of your gay male erotica.

  2. As it is more than three weeks since I wrote this, and as I am anArtist, who gives birth and abandons his offspring to a devouring world, I had forgotten most of what I wrote here. But Hell Yes, I would enjoy reading Gay Male Erotica if that was the subject matter.

    And Hell Double Yes: Only by comparison with the dominant flavor of porn starlets does Raylene qualify as either “heavier” or “older.”

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.


*