Sporting a font similar to that which adorned the advertising for Diablo Cody’s teen pregnancy romp “Juno,” the boxcover of Bluebird’s “Tori Black’s After School Special” features Ms. Black, Melissa Jacobs, Celeste Star, and Charlie Sheen favorite Capri Anderson with their legs spread as wide as possible.
Everyone knows that spread legs are a woman’s way of saying “impregnate me and tie me to the Earth.”
The mixed messages on this boxcover are egregious. Why suggest “Juno” if it has been proven with science that a woman can’t get another woman pregnant, unless she is a character in an article I think I read in “The Straight Dope” many years ago who was sitting on a porch near where a Civil War battle was happening and a bullet passed through the scrotum of a soldier on the battlefield, then passed through the ovaries of yet another woman, and finally lodged in the uterus of the porch-sitting woman, who became pregnant? Who then opened a box of Goober Peas and found a note that read “Welcome to the world of AIDS?” And then spiders came out of her face? And Pop Rocks?
I also wonder if anyone realizes how long ABC’s popular afternoon omnibus series “After School Special” has been off the air. It would almost lead one to believe that this boxcover is aimed at consumers much older than the cast.
Previously on Porn Valley Observed: Shane’s World 42—Sex on Vacation; Diablo Cody on haters…
See also: Bluebird
One more thing Oprah killed: After School Special. I can’t remember watching them past the age of 8, if even then, but it’s the principle of the thing.
She probably didn’t even kill them herself, but had Stedman do it.
Ha!