What if “Bra Busters” had been the first porn movie I ever saw? I’m glad it wasn’t, because I had a lot of stuff to do.
I forget most of the first porn movie I ever watched. It was a VHS rental and I was hanging out with a few guys from my class, and one older kid who had a car. It was the older kid’s house, hard by the railroad tracks, and his single mom was out. We all sat on the couch when the movie started.
I remember that it looked like video, because the color was washed out. The sound was poor and the dialogue was bad. I remember the carpet-munching turned me off. I think I was 15.
I stood it for about 20 minutes and then got up to get some chips, leaving my three friends on the couch behind me. The older one said, “What? Are you a fag?”
Swear to God, that was the last porn movie I watched for about 15 years. One of my brother’s Penthouses got me through college.
So I watch a movie like “Bra Busters,” each of the four scenes featuring some vixen with just a little more meat on her bones than the standard-issue pornstress, each scene shot by the masterful and efficient Eddie Powell, who in my mind looks at naked women in the exact same way that I do, and each woman just ripe and ready for the appreciation of lucky bastards like Mr. Pete, Tony DeSergio, and Ramon Nomar, and I think: I avoided filmed pornography for a decade and a half because the one movie I saw wasn’t like this one; what if it had been?
There is very little dialogue in this movie, just some dirty talking. In that way it is the perfect porn tabula rasa; my theory is that we truly like porn the simpler it is, and every addition—script, special effects, an agenda—has greater potential to take something away from our enjoyment than to add to it.
Instead, “Bra Busters” (my favorite scenes are with the plainly lecherous Alex Chance and the delicious Jessica Robbin, both of whom are manhandled by their partners, as if filling in for me) does everything it should. We even forgive Powell for not actually depicting bras busting open—Alex Chance doesn’t even wear a bra in the movie. I guess that’s just assumed that she once did, but it done got bust.
Buy “Bra Busters” here
Previously on Porn Valley Observed: Steak, Blowjob, And Pecan Pie Day with Alex Chance
See also: Digital Sin