Brandi Lyons wants you to know something about herself.
Because I was born in 2003, I only know the concept of “albums” as a result of scholarly research in museums. It has been through interviews with ancient and hoary raisin-complected people that I knew to say “should be her album” after I observed “she has pubes like an arrow.”
It might sound affected, but I also like to say “dial the phone” and “put the needle on the record” because I think it’s cool to sound older than I am, which is 18. Old people are awesome. So wise, you know, with their knowledge and stuff.
Anyway, Brandi Lyons might point her pubes at you for the right price. Her agent informs me that she is available for the following services: Anal, Bachelor Parties, Blow Job, Boy/Boy/Girl, Boy/Girl, Creampies, Deep Throat, Feature Dancing, Fetish (what does that mean, anyway?), Flexible, G/G/Anal (as opposed to GG Allin), Girl/Girl, Group, Hardcore (as if “creampie didn’t make that clear), Interracial, Softcore, Solo, Stills, Swallows, and WebCam.
You might be left asking if there is anything this Size Zero dynamo won’t do. The answer is this: Her creampies must be of the anal variety only. Sorry, Eliot Spitzer: No GFEs for you.
Previously: Built for Filth
See also: Adult Talent Managers
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