Britney Spears continues to hold out hope of immaculate conception

…and virgin birth. A Cesarean section means that God wanted Britney’s vagina to remain taut for the Grammening.

I always thought it would be Christina Aguilera who did this first, in the same way I expected it to be Tiffany who posed in Playboy before Debbie Gibson did (neither went through with it, alas).

I was about to give Britney the benefit of the doubt, but then I remembered the words of an ex-girlfriend on our first date: “No one forgets to wear panties, Grams.” (We broke up because she wouldn’t convert.)

And, much as I’d like to believe otherwise, association with Paris Hilton immediately makes one a whore.

There. First mention of Britney Rears and Paris Hilton on my website, and I’ve lived in Los Angeles for six years.

See more pictures on Fleshbot.