Browneye vs. The Board of Masturbation: “Buttwoman vs. Slutwoman”

I never understood Olympic Decathlon winner Bruce Jenner. Why did he marry that horrible Kardashian woman, why did he accept a part in “Can’t Stop the Music,” and why didn’t his gold medal qualify him to kick ass in everything from basketball to the table version of Pac-Man to Mixed Martial Arts?

I feel the same way about this whole Slutwoman thing. If Kristina Rose is Slutwoman, the implication is that she can out-boob, out-ass, or out-snatch anyone, and therefore a title like “Buttwoman vs. Slutwoman” sounds like the outcome is a foregone conclusion.

But such are the limitations of language. What I should have recognized was that persons such as Alexis “Buttwoman” Texas and Kristina “Slutwoman” Rose couldn’t be labeled in such a convenient way.

After all, Alexis Texas is a tremendous slut and Kristina Rose has an ass one would like to park one’s rig in and not invite JT LeRoy.

“It’s confusing, I know,” said Alexis Texas recently. “But(t) I became Buttwoman, I think, because that’s the first thing people notice about me.”

“Only from behind,” I said.

Anyway, this collection of scenes does nothing to clear up the confusion, but it really doesn’t matter. The important thing is that, amidst all the baby oil and R. Crumb-esque splurping sounds, we really start to think.

Buy “Buttwoman vs. Slutwoman” here

Previously on Porn Valley Observed: Life in a porn dorm isn’t all pillow fights and orgies; Today in couples’ porn: “Suck It Bitch”; Right up the middle with Alexis Texas
See also: Elegant Angel

About Gram the Man 4399 Articles
Gram Ponante is America's Beloved Porn Journalist

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