sssh50-50 shades

50 Shades Times 140: A Kinky Tweet Contest

Remember how, fearing Cat Stevens might kill Salman Rushdie, you purchased “The Satanic Verses”? Or that trip you took to recover Skylab souvenirs in Australia, or when you adopted Elian Gonzalez? Well, now you can own a piece of a cultural phenomenon and all you have to do is tweet. You know how to tweet,…

Tori Black: You Is My Plumber Now

“Ass-Out-of-Pants is a look perfected by plumbers, of course, but anyone can do it,” says GramPonante.com valet Loup Perch-Tounge. “The idea is to maintain plausible deniability. ‘Has my ass fallen out of my pants? Oh, I see it has.'”

Kane Sugar

It turns out the best porn parody wasn’t even funny, that Tori Black talks in a nice, low register when you’re fucking her in the ass, and that Phoenix Marie and Andi Anderson re-enacted a scene from “Bull Durham” in this week’s reviews. Be the first to tell me the song that was playing in…

Anjanette Astoria: I had the time of my life – twice

As much as the importance of words can’t be overstated, the non-verbal communication between Anjanette Astoria and Johnny Castle on the set of “Cougars in Heat” is just as significant in making a good scene. “We really clicked,” Astoria said. “The scene was really strong.” But what were they thinking the moment this picture was…

Getting Corky with Gianna

Where I come from (GPS coordinates: 30.4813°N 89.7690°W), if you call someone thick, you are calling her retarded. And while having sex with the mentally disabled is arguably the subject matter of 90 percent of JM Video’s titles, it is that other meaning of “thick,” the one involving childbearing hips and breasts that dangle and…

Don’t do the talkin’ if you don’t grok the gokkun

You want my copy of “American Gokkun 9,” starring Amy Starz and Kylee Luvit? It can do one of two things to your life: change it utterly, or not. In order to win this select piece of pornography, featuring two women who add more to your party than even your Jagermeister Tap Machine, be the…

All your base are on Faith Leon’s face

The winner of the “What Is Faith Leon thinking?” contest is a person called “Neckties for Reptiles,” who, on further research, has a very thoughtful blog of his own, despite the fact that he is probably a deviant who nevertheless gets military discounts. Previously on Porn Valley Observed: I’m surprised we still need pornSee also:…