Cunt shunting with Kendra Kane

kendrakane1Let’s begin by saying that Kendra Kane is not a cunt herself, but you may rest assured she has a spectacular one (actually, I don’t like the term “cunt” very much; I prefer vaGIANT). Still, Ms. Kane effectively cunt shunted me a few times the other night at a party. Continue reading Cunt shunting with Kendra Kane

Jayden Jaymes Porno Party 12/10: As if the birth of Christ wasn’t awesome enough

ivanjjparty2Jayden Jaymes (seen here as an avocado in the movie “Star Trix”) joins wandering Russian porn director Ivan and dozens of other pornstresses for tonight’s “This Ain’t Not Another XXXmas Porno Party,” a benefit for impoverished tots’ charities held at Studio City’s Clear Lounge at 11916 Ventura Blvd.

Attendees must bring a wrapped toy (not a sex toy) and a canned food item (not edible lube) for admission to the party, which will also feature Charley Chase, Elena Heiress, Avy Scott, Kristina Rose, London Keyes, Natasha Nice, Nikki Sexx, Shyla Styles, and Vannah Sterling.

ivanjjpartyIt sounds like a great night for a good cause. Cans for cans! I’ll be there, too – it’s fun to talk about poverty in a room that smells like strippers’ melon body spray and vodka.

Prevously on Porn Valley Observed: Holy guacamole; Audrey Elson – Odalisque
See also: Ivan, Jayden Jaymes, This Ain’t Not Another XXXmas Porno Party (I can’t believe this domain name wasn’t already taken)

Belladonna and Kimberly Kane throw a snow ball for AIM

datenightThere are few people more exciting to think of having a date with than Belladonna and Kimberly Kane (well, I would have liked to go on a date with Mary Todd Lincoln, because that chick was crazy) Continue reading Belladonna and Kimberly Kane throw a snow ball for AIM

Nicki Hunter stalks PSK

NICKIPSK1It had been more than a year since I’d last visited Porn Star Karaoke, and much had changed. First, there were porn stars all over the place.

Second, several businesses in the strip mall in which Sardo’s is located had vacated due to what appears to be a years-long construction project digging in on Burbank’s Pass Ave.

Sardo’s has been PSK’s home for the six years of its life. Founded as a promotional event for the former KSEX Radio, which at the time was located up the road, Porn Star Karaoke has owned Tuesday nights since the days of Wankus, Tony Batman, and now Hunter, who is perfect for the job.

“I see a lot of people in this audience that I’ve fucked,” said Hunter, cueing up “Are You Lonesome Tonight?” “Or that I will fuck.”

Despite this, all was not well.

“I just found out they’ll be working on the road until April, 2010,” said Sardo’s owner Seymour ruefully.

Seymour is a pillar of the community. I have never seen (on this coast) someone so universally well-regarded. He seems to know everyone’s name and porn stars line up to park their breasts on his head. Ariella Ferreira was doing this as I walked in.

Despite Ferreira and a packed house, Seymour was grave. “I hope we can hold on until January,” he said.

It is hard to imagine that part of town without Sardo’s, but the road construction, which has blocked the main entrance to the strip mall, has already done its damage to the other businesses. My suggestion? Go to Sardo’s every night. Find alternate routes.

I admit that I thought about turning around when my way was blocked.

“The universe is telling me I shouldn’t get a blowjob in the bathroom,” I thought. But then I remembered that I had agreed to show up. How could I live with myself if I flaked?

Tonight’s occasion was the birthday party of a guy named Powder. Powder is one of the only people in the porn industry to make a living from Internet radio. He started as a production assistant with KSEX and then got a job at RudeTV. Now that both are either gone or on hiatus, he gets by crewing for other porn productions.

Testament to Powder’s nice guy image, the bar was packed. Hunter prowled the room saying suggestive things to people that I have no doubt she would be able to manifest if she so chose.

Usually when someone says “I’m a very sexual person” I don’t believe them. It seems like a distraction from their true, sexually ambivalent nature. When Hunter says it, it’s a warning. When Hunter says “I’m a very sexual person” she means that she will fuck your brain from your skull. I’ve seen it happen.

On stage was a woman named Magdalene who was singing what seemed to me a very serious song. It turns out she makes lesbian movies. Is there a connection?

Seymour has a knack for picking hot but wholesome waitresses. One of these fed me Jagermeister and Powder a birthday cake. Outside, performers Angel Vain, Ariella Ferreira, and Cherry Ferretti cozied up to the birthday boy who, prior to cutting his hair last week, looked like Gregg Allman.

I made sure to shoot a hot ATM scene with Ferretti that you will see in the gallery.

It was a good night. I hung out with Konnie, a purple-haired producer of staged webcam shows (“We go to a girl’s house and film her getting naked but we pretend it’s a webcam show,” she said) and then watched a woman execute a perfect Tina Turner impression (minus the beatings) with her rendition of “Proud Mary.”

I looked up and it was closing time, the morning after Powder’s birthday, and Hunter was a little hoarse and sweaty, the way I like her. Tonight is another PSK, and you should go.

Previously on Porn Valley Observed: Morning Wood with Nicki Hunter
See also: Sardo’s

Sex and bunnies in Echo Park

HBV21Margie Schnibbe (aka Vena Virago), one of a handful of actual artists working in porn today, is screening a “reworking” of her 2008 film “Honey Bunny” (starring the delicious Page Morgan and Adrianna Nicole) on Friday, November 13 at the Echo Park Film Center.

Originally filmed within the Margie Schnibbe exhibit at the Circus Gallery in Los Angeles, “Honey Bunny” has been reimagined, reshot, and remixed by thirteen artists from the Brooklyn alternative screening/sound/performance venue Monkey Town, including C505, Jeanne Angel, Alexander Reyna, Skye Thorstenson, William Skullmaster, Bengala, Sam Zimmerman, Andrew Erdos, Irina Sarnetskaya, Elle Burchill, A. Ash Miller, Lilah Freedland, and Lee Wells.

HBV22

Because of hurt feelings from a bad review I gave to Vivid-steve director Eon McKai’s movie “Debbie Loves Dallas,” I was not allowed to attend the filming of “Honey Bunny” last year. But McKai has apologized and sobered up, and it is also Schnibbe’s birthday, so a pleasant time will be had by all.

“Honey Bunny v.2″ will be presented as part of Margie Schnibbe: An Evening of Sex and Bunnies, Friday November 13 at 8 p.m. at the Echo Park Film Center, 1200 N. Alvarado (just north of Sunset Blvd), Los Angeles 90026.

Previously on Porn Valley Observed: Page Morgan – just because
See also: Vena Virago, Echo Park Film Center

Noname Jane becomes dessert, Bozzio and Coolio share stage at Exotic Erotic Ball

I am not, like many of my colleagues, a Clinical Sexologist, so I don’t really know the difference between Erotic and Exotic, especially in the context of the Erotic Exotic Expo and Ball (EEB) that will be celebrating its 30th anniversary this weekend in San Francisco.

More to the point, since everything I do is erotic, there’s nothing too exotic about it. Regardless, this weekend’s festivities are going to be a blast.

Perry Mann founded the Exotic Erotic Ball in 1979 as a freakout fundraising event for his friend Louis Abolafia, who was the Nudist Party’s nominee for president.

“I have nothing to hide,” Abolafia (who died in 1995), said. Abolafia also coined the slogan “Make Love Not War,” and that is the guiding principle of the event.

The Ball has grown each year. In addition to the Human Petting Zoo, sex clinics, bondage demonstrations, erotic art exhibits, live bands, and the Blue Room (for discerning couples), the Ball and its accompanying Expo has for the last several years been held at the massive, State of California-owned Cow Palace, which says a lot about the grooviness of the Bay Area.

In advance of my journey to San Francisco Friday, I talked with EEB executive producer Howard Mauskopf, who works with Perry Mann and a staff of 30 to organize the 2-day event.

Gram: San Francisco might have rainbow flags in every window, but it seems just as often a polarized town, wherein one fetish or orientation can get very militant about itself in relation to others.

Mauskopf: It’s a wild party but it’s also laid-back, almost hippie-ish. A lot of the people who will be there have attended this for the past 30 years. With that comes kind of an attitudinal throwback to the Peace and Love years. There’s no threat. Whether or not you’re a participant in that lifestyle, you won’t be threatened, you’ll be amused. You’ll experience sensory overload. Everybody is peacefully coexisting. That’s the thing that I’m most proud of.

Gram: So it’s live and let live, no matter what “community” you’re from?

Mauskopf: It helps if this event has a deeper meaning, which it does. We’re conscious about not standing on a soapbox. Plus, we don’t say we’re a straight event or a gay event. There’s nothing in our marketing that says people wouldn’t be wanted. And so if it were being marketed as a (swingers’) “lifestyle” event we’d lose our broader appeal.

Ticketholder demographics cover several decades. From innocent and virginal 20-somethings to ancient lechers in their 30s. And even older.

Gram: In addition to sybarites and voluptuaries jetting in from all over the world, describe the entertainment.

Mauskopf: Danny Bonaduce will be back. Everybody loves him (Bonaduce looks a lot like Perry Mann, in fact – GP), and Mini-Kiss will be back, the tiny Kiss cover band. Impotent Sea Snakes (“from the seemy underbelly of southern freak culture”) haven’t played the Ball in nine years, but Buck Fuck and the band will be reuniting for the show. Tila Tequila will be there celebrating her birthday, as will Coolio, and we’ve brought back the Blue Room for couples.

Gram: What’s the Blue Room about and why did it take a hiatus?

Mauskopf: The Ball never took it upon itself to be a swinger event, but you’ve got to respect that vibe. Frankly the Blue Room did better some years than others, and became less of a focal point. But the 30th anniversary is a big year, so we thought we’d bring it back.

Gram: How do you make a place like the Cow Palace – so named because it was built to house livestock shows – ready for the human livestock of an Exotic Erotic Ball?

Mauskopf: This year there’s new management at the Cow Palace, and we’ve brought in some excellent food concessions. We’ve got oysters, chocolate-dipped strawberries, and Laurene Wickett from “America’s Top Chef.” And we’ve worked to corral the 80 or so exhibitors from the Expo portion into logical areas. And those same exhibitors might start putting on shows of their own when the Ball starts.

The big exhibitor items this year include Tesla’s electric roadster and the RealTouch haptic orgasm device. The latter will be demonstrated by men from Raging Stallion and Naked Sword, two of San Francisco’s venerable gay studios (now imprints of VOD pioneer AEBN). The RealTouch enables users – or parts of them – to interact via a masturbation sleeve with specially-coded porn videos that send signals to tug, squeeze, and lubricate, depending on what is happening in the video.

Porn stars in attendance will include Adrianna Nicole, Noname Jane, Sinnamon Love, and Shawna Lenee as well as fetish pinup Ancilla Tilia.

But I am especially excited about the performance of Missing Persons (or Dale Bozzio of Missing Persons and a hired band she is calling Missing Persons), because the squeaky-voiced, rail-thin, and sexually terrifying Bozzio intrigued young Gram when he was an infant.

Gram: How many people are you expecting?

Mauskopf: We usually get about 10,000 people to the Expo and Ball and this year we’re hoping for 15,000. Most people buy their tickets pretty close to the event. Expo tickets are $20 each day and General Admission to the Ball is $79, which will also include a pass to the Expo, which will be open downstairs.

There is also a VIP pass for $175.

I have been to dozens of adult conventions at this point and the vibe at the Exotic Erotic Ball, which I last attended in 2006, is definitely the friendliest. The entertainment was also much more of the point; it’s like you’re going to a concert in which everyone in the audience wants to get laid.

And No Name Jane is doing a bit where she lets audience members lick chocolate off her. It makes you forget that San Francisco is where those terrible Body Snatchers invaded.

Here are some photos I took at the 2006 Exotic Erotic Ball, featuring Thomas Dolby, Vanessa and Violet Blue, Devinn and Sunny Lane, and Monica Mayhem.

Previously on Porn Valley Observed: No Name Jane – the cross and the pentagram; Whither Coke Chain?; Noname Jane is born as Violet Blue departs
See also: Exotic Erotic Ball, RealTouch

Grey, Obama accept accolades with humility

Sasha Grey will keynote the 2010 Adult Entertainment Expo, according to an announcement delivered the same week that Barack Obama was chosen as the winner of 2009’s Nobel Peace Prize.

“Sasha Grey is one of the most thoughtful, intelligent, and original voices in adult entertainment today,” said AEE spokesperson Sean Devlin of the convention’s first-ever keynote speech, to be delivered in Las Vegas one month after Obama accepts the Nobel Prize in Oslo.

Both Grey and Obama were humbled by the recognition, and attributed their success to their many international advocates.

“In this tough economy it is of even greater importance to show appreciation for the fans and supporters who make it possible for us to continue to do what we love,” Grey said.

Echoed Obama, “I do not view it a recognition of my own accomplishments but rather as an affirmation of American leadership on behalf of aspirations held by people in all nations.”

A porn actress for just three years, Grey is a winner of AVN’s Best Female Performer award. Still, longtime industry icons such as Jenna Jameson, Tera Patrick, Ron Jeremy, and William Margold were passed over for the inaugural keynote speech, which Devlin says will cover Grey’s “thoughts about the adult entertainment industry, her artistic and sexual aesthetic, and women and the industry.”

Sources close to the president say that Obama’s December Nobel acceptance speech will address many of the same issues, as well as the hunting of milves and cougars in Afghanistan.

Critical reaction to the Nobel Committee’s announcement noted Obama’s lack of tangible results in his short time on the world stage. Nobel laureate Lech Walesa, who won the prize in 1983 for his work with Poland’s Solidarity movement, said “Too soon!”

Similarly, some adult industry commentators felt that AEE was not worthy of a keynote speech, even by someone as accomplished as Grey.

“Having a keynote at the AVN Expo is like bringing (Sasha) Grey Poupon to a pie-eating contest,” said Gram Ponante, “or orchestra seats at a cockfight.”

Previously on Porn Valley Observed: God, grant me Sasha Grey; What the Obama presidency means to the porn industry
See also: Adult Entertainment Expo, Nobel Foundation

Girls And Corpses Night at Club Hell

It’s so important to support the arts in a city that thinks more of a five-and-under on “Three And A Half Men” than it does my recent stage triumph “Gram Ponante Comes on Your Face.”

But this Saturday a group of entities is getting together to sponsor Dark Carnival Night at Club Hell on Santa Monica Blvd., including Clown Porn’s Hollie Stevens, seen in the flyer fellating the chicken member of a corpse.

I don’t pretend to understand Clown Porn in the same way I was spectacularly unmoved by the announcement that January’s Adult Entertainment Expo will feature a “keynote presentation,” as if it were unveiling a new iPhone instead of a room increasingly full of $30 400-threadcount sheet sets.

But I support anything Hollie Stevens does, as she is this site’s resident hooker.

The text of the flyer is recreated below, because fetish events have so much coded speech that it is often hard to tell just when someone is going to get the shit whipped out of her by an old dude in a leather captain’s hat:

FETISH NATION

LA’S BIGGEST MONTHLY FETISH- INDUSTRIAL DANCE CLUB
brought to you by the makers of HELL, Perversion, Batcave,
Intense Management & many others
contained within hollywood’s most massive club venue:
C I R C U S
6655 santa monica blvd. (couple blocks east of highland), LA, CA 90038

Just say you are with “Girls and Corpses” and get in FREEE!!

next FN: saturday, october 10th, with a
DARK CARNIVAL THEME
kicking off the halloween season

scary clowns, stiltwalkers, aerialists, contortionists,
little people, body modified freaks, and other human oddities

vaudeville burlesque by Mistress O, nylon club girls
and Blue films courtesy erickroll.com sponsored by
A M E R I C A N O F E T I S H
opt in at www. AmericanFetishF ilm.com

strange sideshow display by
GIRLS AND CORPSES

10:30pm live performance by
DEAD GIRLS CORP
upstairs in the Batcave, together with go-go bats and
2-4-1 drink specials B4 11pm exclussively in the Batcave

group art show in the courtyard:
Delphia, Sphinx, Vincent

flying daredevil aerialist
Leigh from Bound Lotus
in the upper recesses of the bigtop

original dom from Perversion
performing a discrete midnight act

resident fetish/bdsm performers:
Master Angel, CharleyB, Mistress Cyan, Master D, Master Eragon, Mistress Francine,
Mistress Ice, Master Liam, Fetish Jade, Switch Joy, Mistress Melissa, Mistress Nicolette,
Sir Nik, Pain Dancer, PKL Industries, The Pope, The Professor, Meister Schmerz, Simon
Blaise, Sir SkipDog, Goddess Soma, Ladies of the Dominion.

electro- industrial dance music in
3 massive areas manipulated by dj/bp’s:
Robo-DM, AeonFlux, Dem6nSeed (HELL, Batcave)
Asphyxiation (Maschine, Infirmary, Xile, OG-HELL)
Krisz Klink (Kontrol Faktory)
Bruce Perdew, Sally (Perversion)

special appearance by
Hollie Stevens
(Clown Porn, Girls and Corpses, Crackwood)

ticket give-aways to see
K M F D M
october 16th at Club NOKIA
ticket pair for first to approach
dj booth during any of their songs

I will also be in attendance, right after I give the keynote presentation at the San Fernando Swap Meet.

Previously on Porn Valley Observed: If you want to be Hollie Stevens, be Hollie Stevens
See also: Girls And Corpses

The Radisson Summit: An embedded report

An informational meeting of adult industry elites was held at Chatsworth’s Radisson Hotel to discuss threats to the Porno-Industrial Complex by California’s Occupational Safety And Health Administration (Cal/OSHA).

Chaired by Vivid’s Steve Hirsch, the meeting took place on September 9, timed to coincide with the release of The Beatles Rockband. Despite this, the small room, which cost $300, was not equipped with a microphone.

“Coffee and tea cost $45 a gallon,” a Radisson spokesperson said, “and soft drinks were $1.50.” No official word on beverage consumption has been released.

About 25 people attended to hear Hirsch and longtime adult industry attorney Paul Cambria address the latest challenge of the many facing Porn Valley. I was not invited, nor was anyone from adult trade publication XBiz. But I attended regardless, disguised as a simple shepherd.

Invitees contacted by Vivid’s Marci Hirsch included the other heads of the Big Six (Digital Playground, Wicked, Hustler, Adam & Eve, and Evil Angel) as well as emissaries from JM, Mercenary, Anabolic, Third World Media, Kickass, Zero Tolerance, Playboy, New Sensations, Bang Brothers, Red Light District, Teravision, Vouyermedia, Evasive Angles and, for some reason, Sex Z Pictures. Distributors IVD and Pulse, Spearmint Rhino, independent producers X-Play, and sundry other industry players were also invited.

Conspicuously off the list were representatives from adult lobbying group the Free Speech Coalition and Adult Industry Medical, the de facto STD testing organization of Porn Valley’s performers.

At a front corner of the room sat Steve Hirsch at a small table. He introduced Paul Cambria, who spoke for most of the meeting. The tone was not convivial or congratulatory, the way many adult industry conferences are. Indeed, at times it seemed downright dour.

The meeting began with a bit of history; the case against Evasive Angles, a company headed by TT Boy. It was on an Evasive Angles set in 2004 that the performer Darren James was exposed to HIV, spurring Porn Valley’s penultimate HIV crisis that also claimed the adult career of Canadian performer Lara Roxx.

The 2004 scare resulted in a self-imposed 45-day industry shutdown and several larger, louder summits than the one at the Radisson. Cal/OSHA fined TT Boy’s company, which then agreed to be a condom-only outfit.

In addition, savvy companies with legal counsel began referring to what they did by different names. Vivid, for instance, seemed to get out of the porn business altogether in 2004.

After mentioning that his company had been visited by Cal/OSHA and had valiantly refused the state agency’s demands both to view raw footage and to visit a porn set, Hirsch said that Vivid now merely “assembles video.”

In theory, this means the company hires a group of independent contractors who may or may not supply the company with material containing condomless or otherwise “unsafe” content that Vivid will then “assemble” and pass off to yet a third party to distribute.

In practice, however, and as was later mentioned in the meeting, independent contractors might be liable on paper but Vivid tacitly agrees to handle fines, as it is generally understood that porn directors, unless they are heirs to a snack cake or cosmetics fortune, don’t have a pot to piss in.

It is generally understood that porn plus condoms equals poor sales. Consumers have also weighed in that the presence of condoms decreases the fantasy element of porn, something that isn’t compensated for by seeing Evan Stone dressed as Cliff Claven. Furthermore, performers have also stated their preference for working condom-free in the athletic and non-realistic settings of a porn set.

So the already tenuous financial fortunes of Porn Valley are doubly imperiled by the threat of a condom mandate.

Cal/OSHA believes that technology exists whereby condoms could be digitally edited out in post-production. Hirsch said his company “looked into it” and said that the cost of removing condoms in post, frame by frame, was prohibitive.

Porn companies have become, if not used to, then not surprised by, visits from the authorities. One of the recent prongs of the War Against Porn was FBI 2257 raids, in which feds would show up to demand to view proper documentation.

A Cal/OSHA visit, Cambria said, would be slightly different. Agency representatives would look for faulty wiring, slippery work surfaces, exposed extension cords, etc. in addition to asking about the porn company’s policies regarding hazardous materials and blood-borne pathogens.

In a recent L.A. Times article, Hirsch – perhaps glibly – suggested that the adult industry would just move to another state if Cal/OSHA’s demands – which include condoms, dental dams, and face masks – were to be enforced.

But 1989’s Freeman decision effectively made California the only state in which filming porn was not expressly illegal. In addition, out of state companies would be liable under the Mann Act if they were to import California’s most precious resource – it’s porn performers – for purposes of sex for money.

So Cambria suggested several possible routes, including drafting complicated variances to Cal/OSHA’s demands and challenging the agency on First Amendment grounds. After all, Cambria said, don’t professional televised fights constitute a similar risk of transmission of blood-borne pathogens? Why is the porn industry being unjustly targeted?

A legal challenge might also be just what Cal/OSHA wants, Cambria said. His speculation was that a challenge might help the agency define the legal viability of future efforts against the porn industry.

Also a consideration was the cozying up to a sympathetic state legislator. Cambria hinted that he knew a likely assemblyman who might put pressure on Cal/OSHA to tone things down. While this might prove to be most effective, Cambria said, it would also be the most expensive, as the porn industry would have to retain a lobbyist.

The question that was not asked, because it was answered by the absence from the room of anyone from the Free Speech Coalition, was “Doesn’t the adult industry already have lobbyists?”

An industry wag suggested to me that, if Big Porn made all the money people said it did, why was there not a Watergate Hotel full of lobbyists in Sacramento and Washington D.C. representing the industry’s interests? And why didn’t today’s meeting feature a catered lunch?

Without going so far as to pass the hat, Cambria noted that it was historically the bigger companies that paid the lion’s share of fines and attorneys’ fees, and for which the industry as a whole benefitted.

“It isn’t fair for the large companies to shoulder the costs of litigating or lobbying,” he said, “while smaller companies ride on their coattails.”

Despite this, the Radisson spokesperson said, Vivid did pick up the tab for the conference room and several gallons of coffee.

Cambria suggested that attorneys for all the companies should meet to hash out a unified plan and that no one should go to court alone. At this point the meeting was adjourned, and I was happy to see all the attendees forego their leased Lexuses to ride back to work together on an articulated Metro bus, not a single person wearing a condom.

Previously on Porn Valley Observed: HIV2k9 – How the dust will settle; Porn luminaries discuss testing and condoms

Free love Saturday night with Victoria Woodhull

Nina Hartley, Carol Queen, and Lamalani, International Ms. Leather 2009, will grace a fundraiser Saturday night for the Woodhull Freedom Foundation, a non-profit organization that promotes sexual freedom as a fundamental human right.

This is the first L.A. event for the Washington D.C.-based advocacy group, said spokesman Jim Rea, and he encourages members of the Porno-American community to attend the event and afterparty downtown.

I asked Rea how my sexual freedom was being threatened.

“Has anybody lost their job because they got outed as being kinky in some form or fashion?” Rea said. “Has anybody lost a child custody battle because they have more than one lover? Has anybody been evicted because the landlord found out they were swingers?”

I don’t know – Yes?

“These are just of few of the types of situations where people with diverse sexual interests are discriminated against and often harmed here and around the country,” Rea said.

Hosting the inaugural benefit is Mistress Shae Flanigan, who will open her “Academy” to “exotic dancers, polyamorists, Vanilla People, bisexuals, Leather Workers, Swingers, BDSM devotees, and” – yes – “Lesbians.”

Victoria Woodhull was a free love advocate who ran for president in 1872. She was also thrown in jail for sending obscene material through the U.S. Mail – an account of Brooklyn preacher Henry Ward Beecher’s extramarital affair. By 19th century standards, this was far more riveting (but just as inane) than anything Max Hardcore would be sent to jail for nearly 150 years later.

I’ll be attending this event, probably wearing pants that affirm my sexual freedom.

Previously on Porn Valley Observed: The Cropping and flogging of O; Back to the Apocalypse at the San Francisco Fetish Ball
See also: Woodhull Foundation L.A. – buy tickets here

FSC’s Freedomfest: A night of limited but poignant porn star interaction

Because my relationships with our nation’s finest porn performers are intense and significant, I often attend events and talk with only three or four of them. And David Faustino.

The Free Speech Coalition’s Sex, Drinks, Rock’n Roll Freedomfest extravaganza last week at the Whisky a Go Go was a raucous affair that raised $8,000 for an organization that calls itself the adult industry’s trade association.

The event, co-sponsored by Sunset Strip neighbor Hustler Hollywood, attracted the likes of Sunny Lane, Joanna Angel, Bobbi Starr, Angelina Armani, 66 percent of the Wicked Girls, and David Faustino.

“Hey Bro,” said David Faustino, star of “Star-ving,” a very funny and misanthropic web show on Crackle.

The Whisky is a famous bar with high rent and a small club feel. Immediately upon entering I encountered Joanna Angel with her two younger sisters. All three are exactly the same height. But, though they could all be made up to look like their older sister, only one is a porn star. The moral? Porn luminosity is not about the look but the attitude.

Upstairs was a media wall festooned with the logo of adult trade publication AVN. It was there I saw Sunny Lane. Lane was wearing a sheer fishnet ensemble that said Sexual Predator all over it. Passersby stopped and stared, jealous of the negligible fabric’s proximity to Ms. Lane; closer even than David Faustino.

The success of the evening was due to a general air of good-naturedness. A mostly adult-biz crowd attended, nevertheless there were dozens of fans who forked over 15 bucks to watch Wicked Girls jessica drake, Mikayla Mendez, Kirsten Price, and Alektra Blue distribute gift baskets, and everyone received, in addition to free parking from Hustler Hollywood, a gift bag with a Hustler Magazine, a Wicked hat and a copy of the female-friendly “House of Wicked.”

At a corner booth sat Close Personal FriendTM Bobbi Starr. As there were several photographers milling around, the kind who rolled little oxygen tanks behind them, I was feeling lightheaded. I demanded Starr leave the club with me.

“Anything, Grams,” she did not say, but came anyway.

“Do you ever feel, Bobbi Starr, that you’re a commodity and your life isn’t your own?” I asked.

“Not when I’m not working,” she said, allowing herself to be lifted in the air by a fan.

Back inside, Sunny Lane was providing eye candy to the shirtless members of the band Bolt Action Thrill. Sunny Lane is a hard worker and, if you are in the Carson City area anywhere from August 11th through September 23rd, you should pay to have sex with her.

I wasn’t drinking that evening, feeling a little fluish (“You don’t look fluish,” said Joanna Angel), so I left early. The woman at Hustler Hollywood checked my wristband and handed me a gift bag.

“What’s in there?” I said, hoping for a simple Hustler t-shirt that I could give my kindergarten teacher, who is now in an iron lung.

“A Wicked hat,” she said. I told her I already had one.

“Can I have it?” she said.

“Yes,” I said. “Could I get a Hustler t-shirt?”

“No,” she said.

Previously on Porn Valley Observed: Free Speech Coalition: Mainstream Legal Titans Speak to Porn Notables in Historic Summit
See also: Free Speech Coalition, Sunny Lane, Joanna Angel, David Faustino’s “Star-ving”

Katsuni: Let them eat me

Exotic Dancer magazine sponsors an annual trade show in Las Vegas for the peeling industry. Everyone from stripper pole manufacturers, alcohol vendors, the people who supply lights and the mirrored floors particular to gentlemen’s clubs, and manufacturers for those little chairs the bouncers sit on convene yearly to swap tips.

But the highlight of the trade show is the Exotic Dancer Awards on August 25. The nominees for Performer of the Year include France’s own Katsuni, Lisa Ann, Belladonna, and Sunny Leone.

“I just don’t forget that I started as a simple go-go dancer in night clubs in France,” said the modest Katsuni, about whom nothing is simple, and for whom Bastille Day evokes images of home.

As a mournful accordion played, I readjusted my baguette and listened as Katsuni compared American audiences with those in her native land.

“I love being on stage, play with the audience,” she said. “I really have fun in the US clubs. The fans there are crazy, and the girls are incredibly hot.”

It is unfortunate that the Exotic Dancer awards share initials with Erectile Dysfunction. You’d think someone suffering from one might be helped out by the other, but it’s confusing.

“Ah, Cherie,” said Katsuni, clutching a bottle of Perma Soft, “you would not understand.”

The ED Awards are also set up for online voting. To vote for Katsuni or anyone else, click the link below. If no tumbrels arrive at your door, you have chosen wisely.

Previously on Porn Valley Observed: Katsuni – un cheval fou; Katsuni – so sue me
See also: Katsuni; Exotic Dancer Awards

Hustler’s Inferno

Hustler celebrated its 35th anniversary this weekend in a style befiting Dante’s Inferno, which begins:

Midway upon the journey of our life
I found myself within a forest dark,
For the straightforward pathway had been lost.

Heaven and Hell was the theme of the evening, a sprawling catered affair held in a hangar at the Santa Monica Airport. The Psalms tell us that our life’s journey is 70 years, so a heaven and hell-based 35th anniversary party was appropriate.

Know what was even more appropriate? About three dozen women dressed in nothing but wings, horns, sparkles, and just a little bit of sweat. I was greeted by the Amazonian Jayden Cole, who absorbed the impure thoughts I’d been harboring for Holly Randall, now a respectable married lady.

Being married did not keep Holly’s mother, Suze, from grabbing my balls when her daughter introduced me as Talent.

“I don’t perform porn,” I explained to the iconic photographer, “I inspire it.” Later the slightly elder Randall told me that “stone” meant 14 lbs. in England. Both mother and daughter married Brits so I consult them with all my marmite, dental, and avoirdupois weight questions.

Entering the hangar one could either choose a Heaven or a Hell side, but the open bar united everyone in a sort of pre-Vatican II purgatory that had me murmuring “amo, amas, amat” with every shot I consumed.

Earlier in the evening, the author of the feast, Larry Flynt, was taxied down the runway in his Gulfstream for his grand entrance.

“No one in the business throws a party like Larry,” said director and Hustler’s Taboo Magazine editor Ernest Greene, who arrived with Nina Hartley.

Hartley had a habit of summoning naked women to her like she was the Queen of the Fairies, even as she patiently stood in line for snacks. She made me feel like I was a dirty brain suspended in fluid; I would think about grabbing Ava Rose’s ass in handfuls, and Nina would just do it.

My mother was fond of saying that if I wanted to eat well on the road, I should go where the truckers eat. This proved to be untrue, as there are many better places to get crank than a Flying J. But I do believe that the best person to cultivate the love and affection of in the porn industry is the makeup lady, and she opens many doors.

My friend Kelly coined the expression “Live every day like it’s Shark Week.” Falling out of her dress, she guided me to the makeup area behind the hangar, where nudes frolicked and smoked on the AstroTurf.

“I can’t believe I’m getting paid for this,” said Jenna Brooks, who I think was a Heaven. The several dozen women prowling the party were on rotating bed, cage, mingle, or go-go duty and, as this was an adult industry-only event, it really did seem like a family reunion except that all your relatives had goatees or were naked.

While everyone at such an event is on the job, nudity was one indicator of who was getting paid for it. Therefore I’m not sure what category Sunny Lane fell into. She was wearing a sort of Stevie Nicks number that looked like a Heaven, but it was a lot more clothes than the other circling women were wearing. Maybe she was their leader.

Kayden Kross, though clothed, was right up there with Hartley in the number of naked women requesting photos with her.

And I also met Alexa Jordan, who was much taller in person than I thought she’d be (there are still many porn performers I’ve only known in 15″ increments), Savannah Stern, who wasn’t Stern at all, and Maria Bellucci, who lives in Budapest and stars in a lot of Private movies, but who alights on Porn Valley for three visa-regulated months a year.

Tom Byron and Dino Bravo were also there. It is unfair to mention male performers as a footnote, even though they are used to it, but I’ll point out that several women at the party were seen to giggle and squeal when they passed.

I do not think they will giggle and squeal to me – T.S. Eliot

Now that Hustler has reached the midway mark in its life’s journey and is officially a cougar, I was honored to have been invited to be your Virgil through Porn’s Inferno.

Previously on Porn Valley Observed: Open bar at the Van Halen place
See also: Hustler

Noname Jane: The cross and the pentagram

It was a pleasure seeing Noname Jane at Erotica L.A. this weekend. I didn’t notice at the time that she was wearing a pentagram, but that might have been the way Satan wanted it.

I first met Noname Jane under a different name (I was then known as Ronnie James Dio) in 2006 at the Erotic Exotic Ball in San Francisco. The event is celebrating its 30th anniversary this year so I was looking at my old daguerrotypes.

Here she is being crucified onstage in front of 3,000 people. The more things change…

UPDATE: “I wear a pentagram most of the time,” said Jane, “and I’m wearing it in most of my movies. That and my butterfly are how my fans recognize me because I change my hair (and with it, my appearance) so much. I almost didn’t wear it that day, but as soon as we pulled up to Erotica LA and saw the protesters, I put it on.”

“You rabble rouser,” I said.

“They usually won’t bother with you if you’re wearing a pentagram,” Jane said.

UPDATE 2: Not to get all David Letterman/Sarah Palin (especially because Noname Jane was not offended by the joke), but Ms. Jane is not a Satanist. Her tastiness might be diabolical, but that is not her fault. Read the comments (thanks, Outis) for a description of what the pentagram means.

Previously on Porn Valley Observed: Noname Jane to start working with John Does again; Noname Jane is born as Violet Blue departs
See also: Exotic Erotic Ball; Noname Jane

Erotica L.A. 2009 is the new 2002

Erotica L.A. seemed packed the two days I attended, and that is an encouraging – though qualified – sign for Porn Valley’s most precious resource.

The south hall of the L.A. Convention Center had been floorscaped to smaller dimensions than in previous years, so it was hard to move around. Crowds formed around Belladonna, consumers clotted like the pills on those faux-400-threadcount sheets I bought here last year. Visiting news crews, all hoping to catch someone slipping the name of the occasional performer who was diagnosed with HIV last week, saw a hall that seemed packed.

“Everything is not grim with the adult industry in California,” they concluded.

And it’s true. While the THC Expo in the west hall struggled to attract visitors with promises of dog attack demonstrations and t-shirts made of hemp, L.A. Erotica delivered the FAME Awards, the first public appearance of the toothy Rio Valentine, Sinnamon Love falling out of her dress and her trailer, and the debut of Jenna Jameson’s perfume.

There was also the preview of Oh Mi Bod‘s wireless vibrator, allowing you to be the DJ of your partner’s vagina (a company based in New Hampshire, I’ll add, whose lamented Old Man in the Mountain still inspires pornography), the reassuring/creepy return of both Jesus Loves Porn Stars and Escorts for the Disable/d, and new companies like Porn Star Tweet, which aggregates porn performers’ Twitter messages into a convenient stalker portal that somehow makes money. They also hooked a cracker up when he was down on liquid refreshment. It was like New Orleans over there.

It was also a pleasure to see Miss Noname Jane, formerly AVN’s Best New Starlet of 2004, in her first public appearance since getting her new/no name. I sued her out of habit.

How was business? It looked as if many performers were setting up their own booths or selling their wares while signing for other people. Darryl Hanah did this, tactfully explaining that she posed for photos but for a price, the mysterious Egyptian Cleopatra of the Nile sold signed copies of her comic book, and Burning Angel sold DVDs. It was the first year (I believe) that performers were allowed to make sales on the show floor.

The FAME Awards were efficient and uncontroversial. Stormy Daniels hosted and also won Best Boobs (“I feel like I can’t take credit for this,” she said. “All I did was buy them”), Jenna Haze won Dirtiest Girl, Teagan won Best Ass, and Digital Playground won Best Movie for “Pirates II.” I also heard conflicting reports over whether Stoya was in or out of Digital Playground. All I know is that she’s staying with me for a few days and we’re going to go on one of those Bucket List road trips.

Impressive things:

  • Darryl Hanah said that one of the guys touched by last week’s Patient Zero is on her No list anyway.
  • Dane Cross said he approves of every dude on girlfriend Faye Valentine’s Yes list, now that she’s doing guys. “It’s still awkward, though,” he said
  • Lexi Love could fit inside Tera Patrick three times
  • Kagney Linn Karter has always been nice to me; I’m looking forward to getting some drinks in her, though
  • Daisy Marie would be my choice to play Violet Bick in the all-Mexican porn version of “It’s A Wonderful Life” (but Larry Flynt still gets to play Mr. Potter)
  • AVN’s first “consolidated” issue will come out in September
  • Jenna Jameson’s perfume smells like the balled-up Kleenexes old ladies keep in their pocketbooks at church. I wanted it to smell like vanilla strippers
  • Porno Dan said of his friend, “She has the best-tasting pussy. I jerked off in my hand while I was eating her out.” In my mind I wondered why he was telling me this. If there was scar tissue on his brain that made his boundaries amorphous. “That’s very sweet,” I said, and drank some more. We’re both part of the same hypocrisy, Senator
  • Dana Dearmond looks cute in her new braces
  • Kristina Rose is not necessarily a Lakers fan
  • Being greeted by Clips4Sale.com’s talking robot at the door is not an encouraging sign for anyone who remembered how bad “Rocky IV” was
  • Fewer paralytics this year, more fat girls in corsets

  • Riley Steele must just sit in the tub and look at herself. And she probably says “Jesus Christ
  • The carpet in the THC Expo was green
  • I asked Phoenix Marie’s 6’8″ bodyguard when the last time was he had to physically remove someone from a building. He couldn’t think of one time. “Just look at me,” he said
  • Evan Stone is getting the new iPhone on June 19 and giving his current one to his girlfriend
  • I met Dirty Harry for the first time. What an honor
  • If the Pope did porn, His Holiness might call the movie “Papal Syrup”
  • I have a feeling that Sunny Lane is especially good at the Girlfriend Experience

 

I thought Erotica LA was an excellent example of living within means. It might not have been as crowded with exhibitors and fans as previous years, but it worked well within the limits of the new economy.

  • See my 2009 Erotica-LA gallery here

Previously on Porn Valley Observed: Erotica LA in review – 2006, 2007, 2008
See also: Erotica LA

Erotica L.A. to focus on fellatio, prostitution, military

Tomorrow begins the 340th annual Erotica LA at the L.A. Convention Center. When Gaspar de Portola (and his men) stood atop the Santa Monica Mountains in 1769 and gazed at Porn Valley to the north, they were surely thinking about Tera Patrick’s annual pilgrimage from Van Nuys to what would become Figueroa Blvd.

Erotica LA is the most civilized and brightly lit of L.A.’s adult conventions, and this year features appearances by more than 50 porn personalities, including the rosters of Wicked and Adam & Eve (from Kirsten Price, Stormy Daniels, Mikayla Mendez, Alektra Blue, and jessica drake to Kayden Kross and Bree Olson), Monique Alexander, Nikki Jayne, Ron Jeremy, Belladona, Alexis Texas, Eva Angelina, Teagan Presley, Nina Hartley, and the reclusive Aria Giovanni.

Seminars will include a blowjob workshop by Nina Hartley (she knows what she’s talking about), a porn star panel with Joanna Angel, Kaylani Lei, Lexi Love, and Mr. Pete, and a Nevada prostitution primer from Mustang Ranch Madam Susan Austin (this one sounds fascinating).

In that vein, there will also be an adult industry career center sponsored by A.I. Studios. Curious fans might want to check out that booth, as it is an established fact that porn’s makeup artists are the hottest women working in the adult industry.

While Erotica L.A. continues through Sunday, with the final day free for active military, Saturday’s FAME Awards will likely be the highlight of the show. The FAME Awards contain all the categories you would expect from an adult awards show – Best Ass, Best Boobs, etc. – but the voting is (mostly) done by fans. And performers who are not represented at Erotica L.A. proper – like the women of Digital Playground – tend to show up for the FAME Awards.

A three-day pass to Erotica L.A. costs $75 and, since the Lakers are not in residence at the neighboring Staples Center, parking should be easier. Plus, the L.A. Convention Center is a short walk to the Pantry Cafe.

With the news this week that major sponsor AVN is consolidating its publications and the rumor that the company is moving into smaller quarters, Erotica LA will likely be a welcome relief from persistent bad news; the seminars sound fun, the FAME Awards is the best-run adult awards show, and the performers appearing aren’t thronged by Vegas crowds and can sleep in their own beds at night.

Previously on Porn Valley Observed: Erotica LA in review – 2006, 2007, 2008; AVN 2009 – The only numbers you can trust
See also: Erotica LA

The Deep end of the gangbang

By the end of the year, Sabrina Deep estimates she will have been unloaded upon by 2,000 men in 20 cities. And she doesn’t mean they will have told her their problems.

Nope, those 2,000 Sabrina Deep fans will come on her face, hair, neck, chest, ears, eyebrows, eyes, forehead and, more likely than not, miss her entirely and come on the rug.

(“In Italy we say ‘Sbrodo!'” Deep said.)

Her 2009 World Bukkake Tour, which began in Milan on March 28 and which will wind its way through London, Paris, Budapest, Vancouver, and several stops in the United States, including New York on August 29 and Los Angeles on October 17, is the second such endeavor for Deep, 30, who also holds the record for Most Gangbanged Woman on the Web.

Deep was born in Montana, spent several years in Canada and London, and now lives in Florence. Because terminology changes across international boundaries, I asked her for some definitions.

Gram: Is this definition correct: A gangbang is when a group comes on you (sbrodo!) after using your vagina, mouth, ass, or ear as a source of friction whereas a bukkake is where they don’t have those options?
Sabrina Deep: Technically it is correct I suppose. As a rules breaker, though, I like to have some friction in my bukkake parties at times, while I cut the ear option off my gangbang performances.

Gram: So a bukkake can turn into a gangbang at your house? That sounds wonderful. But I’d assume if it started off as a gangbang and then you said, “No, this is now a bukkake,” people would get angry.
Deep: I don’t know if it’s an asset or a bad thing, but while I’m having sex I don’t see faces and bodies, really; I’m all into the sex and the chemistry of it.

Gram: That sounds like a management problem. Luckily you have an interested advocate in your husband. At what point – if any – does your devoted husband say, “Now wait a minute – you are gangbanging my wife incorrectly”?
Deep: When I make him a sign that somebody is fucking me wrong; I wouldn’t mind much but he can’t stand it.

Gram: Hygiene tips for potential gangbangers or bukkakistas?
Deep: Bleach your parts whose odour resembles a harbour or a piece of French Brie, cut your nails really short (and I mean all nails from all your extremeties), shave your intimate parts and possibly your beard, brush yout teeth, and suck a mint. Oh…and wear clean underwear after you have bleached.

Gram: Your website gives information about providing documentation of age and a clean HIV test, but what about creepiness? Many women have a “No” list of men who they won’t work with. How does it work in a bukkake?
Deep: I really like sex…

Gram: Today a woman followed me into the store and tried to invite me to her Jehovah’s Witness meeting. I refused because she was creepy. Do you ever encounter creepy potential gangbangers and what makes them creepy to you?
Deep: Yeah you meet a few creepies who wanna fuck your ears, at times. That’s why I always keep a couple of well-built guys around.

Gram: Other than myself and Stanley “Tookie” Williams, who is the ideal potential gangbanger and why?
Deep: The silly one, funny one and big one like you I suppose. Thank God there are a few around who travel and are not as sedentary as you are.
Gram: Well I do love my seats and cushions.

Gram: Do you take breaks between the banging? And what is the correct verb? “I am gangbanging you” “I am participating in a gangbang with you as the surface”? “I am banging you in a gang”?
Deep: I don’t like to take breaks…it breaks the good feeling. That’s why for my own productions I “use” my fans rather than pro actors: we can go on ’til the fun is there. I suppose “WE are gangbanging you” would work; for the singular, “I’m fucking you” is just fine, no matter if other people are doing the same. But then what do I know.
Gram: More than anyone at the Oxford English Dictionary on this matter.

Gram: What would you say is the most important element of Gangbang Etiquette?
Deep: Don’t fuck my ears.

Gram: You are appearing on Howard Stern’s show on June 25 – in between your dates in Berlin and London. Will there be some gangbanging with the cast?
Deep: God knows. I’ve been told that I won’t know what I shall expect when there. Isn’t it exciting?

Previously on Porn Valley Observed: Gang bang across the water; Sabrina Deep to (be a gangbang) surface in 12 cities
See also: Sabrina Deep’s World Bukkake Tour

Making money at the 2009 XBiz Summer Forum

In the adult world, it is easy to equate “sedate” with “failure,” but the relative calm and low turnout to last week’s XBiz Summer Forum in Las Vegas was merely a reflection of doubtful times for the porn biz. In isolated doses, it might have been any adult convention in boom times; there was nudity, drunkenness, suspicion of authority, the gradual breakdown of order, and plenty of wheeling and dealing.

“I’m not used to this palpable despair,” said one longtime porn salesman at the Hard Rock Hotel, as unsuspecting families walked by. Why were they unsuspecting? It was a trade convention, for one, so there wasn’t the spectacle of ogling fans. There also was very little overt signage to indicate that the Hard Rock was hosting a convention for an industry that makes its money from the exploitation of vaginas.

But fun was had: there were Go Kart races, cocktail hours, a golf tournament, sponsored lunches, and – the one thing that distinguished the XBiz Forum from a Shriners’ convention – a beauty pageant.

The Miss XBiz Pageant took place by the Hard Rock’s pool. Ashley Fires danced with fire, Kagney Linn Karter and Joanna Angel danced with poles, and everyone else needed to do nothing other than stand there in a bathing suit to be appreciated.

When Fires was crowned Miss 2009 by Miss 2008 (Vivid contract performer Nikki Jayne), there was grumbling that the contest had been rigged, that others got higher scores, that Fires was given preferential treatment when she, along with a few other contestants, were given second chances to demonstrate their talents.

But the XBiz Pageant had something other pageants don’t: everyone participating in Miss XBiz was special in her own way, and no one was asked how she would resolve crime in our streets.

These opportunities for camaraderie are very important in an insular business where most of the transactions take place over ICQ. But did the free lunches, cocktails, pool parties, and scintillating seminars featuring the likes of me justify the hotel rates, air fare, and $250 registration price tag?

Well Yes. As I said, I was scintillating.

Jeff Mullen and Scott David, the principals of XPlay and always good for compelling quotes, each said in different encounters that the adult DVD business had two to two-and-a-half years, tops, to survive.

“Hope there’s room for me at McDonald’s,” Mullen said. He is in pre-production of a movie tentatively titled “Flight Attendants” starring Hillary Scott, and he’ll do fine.

Myself, I came home with 57 business cards and three numbers scrawled on napkins, down from 980 business cards (but no napkins) from my longer adult biz Vegas sojourn in January. But I trust that they are 57 quality people (and three sluts).

But two things happened that I feel are emblematic of the problems facing the porn industry.

I was invited up to Angelina Armani’s room for the Mother of All Photos with My First Edition of “Jaws” and she refused to get naked. Her handler, Monstar, explained that nudity would decrease her brand marketability.

“Soon there’s nude pictures all over the Internet,” he explained.

Armani is a delightful person who sincerely loves sharks, but I feel that her business is being naked for my camera. It’s like this: when people see women naked on the Internet they don’t lose interest in them; they want to see more pictures of them naked on the Internet. If they see them persistently clothed, they don’t go buy website memberships.

“I can see all that down at the Convent,” they say. “Or I could, if it weren’t for that restraining order.”

The final thing concerned two gentlemen, one who I know well, the affiliate manager of a major site that I do business with, and a man I don’t know very well at all.

The latter dude was telling me how he should write for my site and thereby drive traffic to it from his. I explained that I was a Lone Wolf.

“I work alone,” I said. “It is my curse.”

At five the next morning the three of us ran into each other again. We were all drunk. I walked out of the elevator as they walked in.

“I’ll make you money, Bro!” the second guy said.

“I won’t,” my affiliate manager said, and the elevator door closed.

  • See my 2009 XBiz Summer Forum gallery here

Previously on Porn Valley Observed: XBiz Summer Forum 07; Eating out your way across Porn Valley
See also: XBiz

Social networking for narcissists

Today I spoke on a panel about social networking at the XBiz Summer Forum. I thought it would be fun to tweet (I hate using that word; I want to punch myself – but who am I to change the language?) while I was sitting up there. Furthermore, I thought I would not be the only one doing it. After all, Joanna Angel was on the panel, too, and she’s 28. All those kids use the Twitter. But I was.

Here is my Twittercast of the proceedings. Parceling out my life this way gives me a thrill like the one Charles Dickens must have felt when he serialized “A Tale of Two Cities.” Make sure you read from the bottom up:

• peter sez twitter should not be judged by existing social network standards

• margaritas, not the pool water

• want to go to pool and drink

• there was my big laugh

• 3 billion tweets as of today

• how to make direct money from twitter

• tweetads

• michael points out that tweeters are liable for dirty links

• bsg speaks about shaq

• wayne hentai=excellent publicist

• it’s like clapping for tinkerbell

• joanna says people do care

• lost the opportunity, i’ll try to make it come around again carly simon style

• I’m about to get a huge laugh….

• …but i’d date myself….i’m a cheap date

• i say mad libs and date myself instantly

• is tweeting a dialogue with one person? Is to be followed a tacit understanding that there is a conversation?

• pete: why would you schedule tweets? isn’t that sacrilegious? life isn’t scheduled. this is my life

• to be unfollowed is like a slap in the face, says kimbirly

• “people will feel spammed,” says JA of irresponsible tweeters

• shut off your cell phone doosh

• “definitive personality” is something JA values

• i am a golden god, said robert plant

• brian gross is a good moderator

• pete says “funneling a firehose of data.” Good alliteration.

• michael says social media marketing to grow 150%

• JA says that twitter is converting 1:150 for her

• having a sandwich now LOL

• kim k uses the word “incentivize,” which i believe is a def leppard album

• i say i have minions update my facebook fan page

• newest platforms easiest to master, says michael, b/c they do not have the legacy

• michael says myspace to be “multisocial,” says Tom is still a friend

• SO WEIRD TO HEAR JOANNA SAY “years ago”…

• JA indicates disapproval of myspace. the horror. Et tu, JA?

• and i say, “go 80 year old men “

• michael suggests that women on myspace are actually 80 year old men

• kimbirly validates my facebook choice

• called out for tweeting

• i thought there were just three, and two of the three i knew about already seem superfluous

• kimbirly says there’s 27 other social networking sites

• where is my watchtower when i need it?

• i think 370 is the number of rapture participants as outlined in the book of revelation

• pornstar tweet tracks 370 pornstars

• “penetration boobs penises butts” – joanna angel

• watch your plosives, Joanna

• joanna agrees with me

• potato salad is great. don’t like it with eggs, thugh

• good looking audience

• i tell joana angel in front of actual humans that it’s fun t see her naked based n her food choices

• eric swiss shouts out from audience

• Me and Kim Kysar, twittering as we speak

• you know that everyone at the panel is going to be tweeting from it. GET IT? With all this meta going on there will be no room for substance

Unlike the last panel I saw Joanna Angel speak in, there were no heart attacks. Probably because her Blackberry wasn’t charged.

Previously on Porn Valley Observed: Porn stars stay connected – but at what cost?; Gram Ponante on Twitter
See also: XBiz, Burning Angel