You will notice that Lakehurst is not a delicate flower, and the zaftig firecracker is short enough so that her heavy, natural breasts, when placed on a low, glass-topped table at a sushi restaurant, expand from the ginger to the wasabi.

“So,” I said, thinking too hard, “did you porn-name yourself after Nice in France and no one figured out how to pronounce it?”

This morning after communing with some birds, I demanded Sophie Dee talk dirty to me in Gaelic. Just like St. Francis.

It was the perfect opportunity for me to ask a question that has germinated since the first time I saw a Japanese teen soak her underpants in shame while being raped by an octopus.

So both sides of the market are cornered; those consumers who like to feel like they’re masturbating with the very concept of Infinite Space and those who wants to jill off to something shaped like a seahorse.

“Thank you everyone,” I said, wiping away a tear (oh god i hope it was a tear). “I think we made history this morning.”

“Malice” might well be Sasha Grey’s last big feature for a while, now that she’s all famous and stuff, so, if not for the chance to see a dwarf or actual nipples (courtesy of Jesse Capelli and Mackenzee Pierce) in Jumbo’s Clown Room, see it for Sasha.

Snow White’s Evil Queen mounts her cat, Sleeping Beauty’s mom is fucked by a frog, and the baby Sleeping Beauty does something that would very likely get this site closed down if I posted the picture.

“When I started my clit was already bigger than regular people,” she said, “but pumping makes your body part really sensitive.”

The weight of a memory she never witnesses is about to be given a new shape

It was great to look almost eye-to-eye with Deep, who in heels was about 6’2″. And it was kind of a spiritual thing, too, because I’ve always wondered what things looked like before the Big Bang.

What someone else might relate through the lens of despair, or at least as a cautionary tale, in “GayKeith” comes off as another intriguing party performance that is as sweet as it is uncomfortable. Blame Canada.

I liked Marceau’s routine of popping on Bobbi Starr’s face whilst climbing a ladder.

The number 69 should be retired if pornographers are going to continue misusing it. I felt the same way when a certain position was not displayed in “This Ain’t The Mission XXX.”

Had Boroka never been born, the headline would have read “If it ain’t Brooke Banner, don’t fuck it.” And I just don’t think it would have been as effective.

Spin-Ups is a wholesome-ish website that allows you to zoom in on 360-degree views of women AC/DC might have been thinking of when they sang “Whole Lotta Rosie.”

“There is a lot of competition,” Marc Davis said about orgies in general. “It’s like herding cats, but I do like to control the room.”

“I prefer to run the show. The majority of what I do in porn is all for me … I shoot my own content, manage my own site, produce my own movies and do all my own marketing.”

“…the composition and editing lend themselves more to the fully clothed leafing through coffeetable books in the lobby of a groovy dentist than to quickly rubbing one out.”

This is the only conclusion I can come up with from the boxcover, other than “I’ve always hated Whit Stillman.”