Cherry Torn, Michael Jackson, and the collective unconscious

If we would just stick both thumbs in our brain and slowly pry our lobes apart, we would see that nothing is random. Nothing is a coincidence.

Q. But Grams: Our lobes?
A. Yes. Use lubes.

Responding to a Twitter message from someone wondering what circle of Hell his crimes would place him in, I told him that Dante would suggest the Circle of Incontinence. He responded that “Beelzebub has a devil put aside for me.”

Moments later, I turned on the radio to hear Queen’s “Bohemian Rhapsody.”

Coincidence? Not according to my lobes.

Suggesting that, adjusting for inflation, the band Fogelfoot would see Bon Jovi’s million faces and raise the rocking thereof by 6,999,999,000, I’d no sooner made that comment but “Dead Or Alive” (and not Joe Jackson’s version) showed up on VH1, which I check occasionally for milves.

Random? Not when you see that everything is connected.

Finally, last night in a bar in Porn Valley, whilst ingesting large amounts of Jagermeister-laced Propofol on the first day of jury deliberations in the Conrad Murray trial, Michael Jackson’s “PYT” came on. For the life of me, I don’t remember ever hearing that song before.

“Is he saying “PYT?” I asked the bartender.

“It’s ‘Pretty Young Thing,'” she said.

“Is he singing it about Macauley Culkin?” I asked, remembering this was the second time in a week I’d thought of Macauley Culkin.”

Some kind of Non Sequitur
? Not with that much Jagermeister in me.

This morning I arrived at work to find a package from Adam & Eve waiting for me. It contained the movie “Sweet Young Things 5,” featuring Ms. Cherry Torn, whose pale skin and direct, adult interaction with the camera (without any excessively porny affectations), made her a new favorite.

Was I at all surprised? No. It would have surprised me if it hadn’t happened.

What remains is what Carl Jung might have thought of Cherry Torn—what archetype of the collective unconscious he may have lovingly placed her in. Disarming Tattooed Girl seems too reductive, but I’d be lying if I didn’t feel a primordial urge to reduce Cherry Torn to something.

Buy “Sweet Young Things 5” here.

Previously on Porn Valley Observed: Aiden Starr—Post-legal performance artist; Getting creepy with Tanner Mayes; Stacks of nudes spotted in Sunland (On the set of “Barely Legal 75”)
See also: Adam & Eve

4 thoughts on “Cherry Torn, Michael Jackson, and the collective unconscious

  1. I am a huge Joe Jackson fan (and a quickly-burgeoning Cherry Torn/Fogelfoot fan) and I have no clue to what song you speak of here.

  2. It was a very oblique reference. The song is “Blaze of Glory” ( When I saw Mr. Jackson several years ago, he began this song by saying, “No, it’s not the song Bon Jovi stole from me” (because, just in case you are not the fan of Bon Jovi that you are of JJ, Bon Jovi ALSO had a song called “Blaze of Glory” that, though it probably sold more than all of Joe Jackson’s songs combined, was only a minor hit compared to “Dead Or Alive” or “Runaway”).

  3. A-ha.

    As an another aside (and how are we talking about Joe Jackson with a naked Cherry Torn right here?), Jackson puts on a helluva live show, doesn’t he?

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