It should be noted that, like the worst-offending MILF movies, not once does North Carolina’s Madison Chandler identify herself as a college student in “Confessions of A Co-Ed.”
And since it’s the second scene into the movie, perhaps 3rd Degree Pictures assumed people would have forgotten the title, focusing instead on the juicy Chandler with her sculpted eyebrows and backwoods twang (and by twang I mean accent, although I can’t think of a better onomatopoetic euphemism for certain kinds of labia).
(In fact, I can imagine strolling into a restaurant, strung out from the road, a la Bob Seger, and politely inquiring where I might get me some backwoods twang.)
“And we never got caught,” she adds.
Then Chandler re-enacts the scene with a game Anthony Rosano. We watch as her paw-print and Chinese tattoos bounce up and down, and wonder if Chinese party girls have the motto of North Carolina (“Esse quam videri”—to be, rather than to seem) tattooed on their rib cages.
Problem is, Chandler doesn’t even seem to be a college student.
It reminds me of the recent flap about Miss Utah, Marissa Powell, muffing a ridiculous question on air that would have been impossible for anyone to answer in the time alloted.
NPR blogger Linda Powers put it wonderfully when she wrote that Powell’s failure to answer was not based on her intelligence but her ability to “generate cow patties on demand”:
These dumb questions aren’t intended to actually see whether you’re smart or not. Miss Utah USA might be smart and she might not be, but the last thing I’d use to guess at whether she’s smart is whether she can answer this kind of question “correctly.” Because “correctly” here just means smoothly, expertly, without hesitation or stammering.
So I’m not saying that Madison Chandler would never, ever get into college, I’m saying that you don’t name a movie “Confessions of A Co-Ed” and then provide no justification that the star is one.
Furthermore, isn’t “Co-Ed” about as dated as “bordello”?
|Maddy Chandler, Gram Ponante|
Buy “Confessions of A Co-ed” here
Previously on Porn Valley Observed: Edgar Winter’s Bone; Your Parents Are Throwing Their Goddamn Money Away: “Dare Dorm”
See also: Third Degree