Couples: Never use “Rape!” as a safeword

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Watching “Dr. Ava’s Guide to Sensual BDSM for Couples,” I was reminded of how shocked I am when my candidate doesn’t win by 100 percent or why there are not Jagermeister And Steak joints on every corner: People have different interests and the things that seem obvious to me aren’t necessarily popularly-held beliefs.

380301Are Sexual How To videos featuring porn stars useful, or are they a porn equivalent of pygmy boobs in National Geographic? “Dr. Ava’s Guide to Sensual BDSM for Couples” is tasteful, informative, and positive, but who watches this stuff?

Dr. Ava Cadell, former “Love Boat” guest star, “L.E.T.H.A.L. Ladies: Return to Savage Beach” actress, and Mayfair model-turned Ph.D, enters a market already teeming with videos from jessica drake, Jamye Waxman, and Nina Hartley, introducing two levels of BDSM play for couples.

I happen to recognize Derrick Pierce and Tony DeSergio, but not their partners Cameron and Jenna. All are identified by their first names but not credited in the video. Each couple talks its way through vignettes dealing with Female Domination, Safewords, Aftercare, Bondage, etc. while the good doctor provides voiceover narration that emphasizes safety and communication.

I realize that my lifestyle must be a debauched and sybaritic one, as I find both the basic and intermediate BDSM procedures detailed here to be tame. What concerns me, though, is the pedagogical execution.

“Let me introduce you to some things that can create some pleasure,” Derrick Pierce says to his partner.

“Like what?” asks Cameron.

“—and some pain,” he adds.

I admit that my general mistrust of How To sex videos gets that much sharper when the very first line of dialogue gets botched. Isn’t BDSM supposed to be all about communication?

Even their toasting rings hollow, as their champagne cups are plastic.

While I can’t see how a thoughtful couple wouldn’t just pick up these tips from watching any hardcore BDSM video (and understand inherently the need for communication), perhaps videos like this one can be a face-saving measure—instructional material rather than pornography, like those educational naturist magazines.

I don’t mean to disparage the work Cadell has put in here. A quick trip to her Loveology University site suggests that there is a real need for what we desensitized porn consumers know by osmosis. After watching the video I sent out a quick Twitter message asking if anyone watched videos like this (aside from fellow reviewers and the porn performers who were actually in them) and I heard from no one.

Still, the very proliferation of similar videos suggests that the market is big and growing, so I would like Dr. Ava in her next outing to educate a confused public on what an actual MILF is, why a MILF can be a cougar, but why a cougar isn’t necessarily a MILF. That’s a service I can get behind.

Previously on Porn Valley Observed: You can leave your heels on—”How to Be A Better Lover”
See also: Zero Tolerance, Loveology University

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