A while ago I watched the movie Crack Whore Confessions 3 and I have been haunted, I tell you, by the imagery. Scroll down to see how you can win my copy of the movie.
If David Mamet, Harold Pinter, and Monty Python had collaborated on a porn script it could not have been better (well, sure it would have been – but who could perform it?) than this casual unscripted dialogue between a man named Cracker Jack and his legitimately crack-familiar prostitute, Sammy.
At great pains to myself I transcribed part of their conversation and present it below. If I were a director, I would have instructed Sammy to present herself as a Dream Merchant, an Enchantress who could assume the form of whatever her lover desired. Of Cracker Jack I would have asked that his motivation be to find out if Sammy was of legal age to rent cars.
“Now: Go,” I would have said.
SCENE ONE
(A cheap motel room. SAMMY, already naked, lies back, expecting this to be over soon. She seems annoyed that CRACKER JACK, who is never seen, asks so many awkward questions.)
CRACKER JACK
Lemme see those big old titties of yoursSAMMY
Hrm. OK Man just put it upCRACKER JACK
Do what?SAMMY
Put it up so we can do our thing. So they can’t see in.CRACKER JACK
What are you talking about?SAMMY
I thought we were gonna fuck or somethingCRACKER JACK
We’re gonna fuck. You’re gonna blow me. We’re gonna have all kinds of cool fun. So what’s your name, baby? “Slammin’ Sammy”?
SAMMY
Yeah. Something like that.CRACKER JACK
How old are ya honey?SAMMY
Hrm.CRACKER JACK
How old are ya?SAMMY
How old do you want me to be?CRACKER JACK
How old are ya?SAMMY
How old you want me to be?CRACKER JACK
I want you to be however old you are, honey.SAMMY
How old do you want me to be? That’s how old I am.CRACKER JACK
No, I’m just asking. How old are ya?SAMMY
How old do you want me to be?CRACKER JACK
frf. Are you 25?SAMMY
Something like that.CRACKER JACK
Awright. Where you from?SAMMY
Hrm.CRACKER JACK
Are you a Florida girl?SAMMY
No. Not at all. Do Florida girls look like this?
Can you picture Sammy as the leading lady in a highbrow Merchant-Ivory/Miramax/Darren Aronofsky film? I can. Tell me which movie, what her character would be, and provide a few lines of dialogue and I will send the winner this movie.
- Watch/Buy Crack Whore Confessions 3 now.
Previously on Porn Valley Observed: Heeere’s Edie!; Alternate dialogue for a MILF movie; The Process; Bedwetting Puppeteers
See also: Crack Whore Confessions
Do not want!