It was with no small amount of concern that I realized that men who perpetrate facial cumshots, such as those depicted in “Cumshot Surprise 4,” don’t want their female partners to conceive.
My suspicion was validated by the movie’s description, to wit:
Surprise internal, oral and facial cumshots. If one of these whores gets pregnant or blind, we don’t give a fuck!
Not only do these men, sporting highlit tips and Affliction shirts, ejaculate onto unsuspecting women from balconies, but they also ejaculate onto women when the women are having sex with someone else.
And at no point does the wild spray of semen land anywhere near where conception can occur, even the extra-wide strike zone that is the Mind of God.
Frankly, Readers, I attended my share of party colleges, but at none of them did groups of Bros get together for Cumshot Surprises.
Missy Stone, Kitty Bella, Alyssa Hall, Jessica Right, Tabitha Tucker, Eden Adams, and Tricia Oaks end up looking like Regan from “The Exorcist,” but it’s not the blood of Christ cum-pelling them.
Don’t get me wrong—I don’t like gauzy and edgeless “sex-positive” (whatever that means) porn that makes my testicles recede, but if cumshot surprises are what it’s like to be young in America these days, I just want to go out and make a MILF of somebody.
That said, graphic design aficionados will appreciate the white, goopy Cumshot font that adorns the boxcover.
Buy “Cumshot Surprise 4″ here
Previously on Porn Valley Observed: “The Shining” Aiden Starr; “One Day at a Time” porn parody finally finds its B story
See also: FuckYouCash
Gram Ponante is America's Beloved Porn Journalist
Gram, who precisely is the target demographic for movies featuring unrealistically copious amounts of supposed ejaculate blasting, covering, and occasionally completely cocooning females? If this trend continues I anticipate accidental drownings, and that would be sad.
damn what a cum shot.