Let’s begin by saying that Kendra Kane is not a cunt herself, but you may rest assured she has a spectacular one (actually, I don’t like the term “cunt” very much; I prefer vaGIANT). Still, Ms. Kane effectively cunt shunted me a few times the other night at a party.
Cunt shunt, the female equivalent of cock block, traditionally involves a woman preventing another woman from chatting up the guy she has her eyes on. What Kane did to me was a variant of this.
I, in my capacity as America’s Beloved Porn Journalist, was talking to a man named Kori who owns a custom adult website company called PUBA.com. We were having a great time talking about how much of a commodity four-letter domains are, much the same way a low-numbered license plate would be expensive.
Kori was in the middle of telling me that he had spent $2600 for PUBA’s domain name when Kane interrupted by telling Kori she wanted to fuck his eyes.
“You have such beautiful eyes,” she said. “Sorry to interrupt.”
I am secure enough in my own sexual magnificence to break off a piece for the other piranhas, so I gracefully recused myself. Kori, a former Brazzers photographer, is a handsome man.
“I’m just going to let the two of you settle this,” I said, gravely. “I have a fly bitch at home. Oh yes: she fly.”
But Kori assured me that his girlfriend was London Keyes, of “Asian Party Sluts” fame, and we blithely continued our conversation about how PUBA makes its money from affiliate sales and revshares rather than by monthly fees (“and the girls keep all their own content,” he said); things I am fascinated in now that I can’t begin to cash in my free blowjob tokens.
Then Kane interrupted again.
“You are just so beautiful,” she said to Kori.
At which point I said, “I am leaving to take naked pictures of Charley Chase in the bathroom.”
Previously on Porn Valley Observed: Thank you, Charley Chase
See also: Puba
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