"D3viance": The 3 is for syllables

My only suggestion: Lose the cool jazz soundtrack. This was not the music playing in her head when Alexis Texas fucked amongst the boiler room pipes.

Studio: Adam & Eve
Director: Joshua
Starring: Alexis Texas, Sophie Dee, Eva Angelina, Teagan Presley, Brooklyn Lee, Ash Hollywood, Lexi Belle, Amy Brooke, Kayla Carrera, Brian Street Team, Mike Stefano, Alex Gonz

Our story opens in a warehouse, where Sophie Dee, clad in fishnets and high heels, large breasts thrust out of a useless bustier, stands masturbating to cool jazz. A rug is set down and she then fucks three guys out of their jeans.

Thus begins the third installment of “Deviance,” director Joshua’s nothing-but-porn-sex tribute to ready women in raggedy places.

I’ve always liked the cast of “Deviance,” and we see some repeat players (Joshua is married to Teagan Presley); each woman is a porn pro with a superabsorbent body ready for all manner of the expected excesses. When the juicy Alexis Texas shows up in the next scene (it’s a boiler room), we say “Of course she’s in a boiler room; she can handle it!”

Texas is my Platonic Ideal of porn stars; her weight is refreshing, and her knees are dirty.

Later, tattooed white person Brian Street Team drops by the warehouse for a 3-way with Ash Hollywood and Brooklyn Lee. Lee sits on his face whilst Hollywood squats like a succubus over his parts. It’s a form of sensory deprivation—he can neither breathe nor see, only feel—that, had he died from it that day, I’m sure would have been worth it.

It’s plotless porn movies like this that give me the chance to think about other things while I’m watching. What I thought during this scene was: Good for you, Brian Street Team. You’ve got that cool dog at home. Hey Brooklyn Lee: you are an inspiration to readers.

Since I haven’t had the pleasure of meeting Ash Hollywood yet, the only thoughts I had about her were dirty ones, so the movie is clearly doing something right.

Prior to a climactic ending featuring old pals Presley, Eva Angelina, Texas, and Lexi Belle, Kayla Carrera and Amy Brooke get plowed on what looks like a double-sided train station bench retrofitted for sex dungeons.

No one got choked, no one pissed blood, and no one was from Singapore in “D3viance,” so I don’t know what was so deviant about it. To me it looked like a group of women doing what comes naturally, albeit in an uncomfortable warehouse. But maybe they’re in a warehouse because you wouldn’t think to undertake many of these activities—masturbating standing up?—at home.