Dear Jehovah’s Witnesses: I Think I Know How You Will Answer the Question “Porn: Harmless or Toxic?”

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Reader RobyWade, deeply concerned for my soul, sent this picture of a recent WatchTower, a publication of the Jehovah’s Witnesses. Without having read the magazine, I am fairly certain that the JWs believe pornography is Toxic.

But let’s be honest. Toxic or not, this man is not using internet pornography correctly. He’s wearing a suit. His hand on his forehead indicates confusion—at least confusion about where his hand ought to be.

But the nail in the spiritual coffin is that he is left-handed, which means he is going to Hell anyway.

The left is the Devil’s hand. So why not watch porn?

I’m reminded of the classic porn film “The Devil in Miss Jones,” in which suicide Georgina Spelvin, doomed to Catholic Hell anyway, decides to live it up. It’s like knowing you don’t have rent money, so you spend what you have on gum and wine coolers. Or like the time the condom broke, it was too late at night to get a Morning After Pill, and a college girlfriend and I just fucked like condom-free rabbits, the way Jehovah intended.

Sordid, Jehovah’s Witnesses. You make people feel sordid.

I know that it is the purpose of a teacher to gently lead students to the conclusion they are supposed to make themselves. But I’m displeased that my Witness friends appear to be offering a false choice. To be honest about their beliefs rather than condescending, the headline should read: “Pornography—It’s TOXIC.”

Previously on Porn Valley Observed: Jehovah’s Witnesses: Can their literature be avoided?

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