Deep up my MacBook’s ass

“That’s a ramekin full of Torx screws you see in the gaping hole left by my MacBook battery,” I said, deftly hoisting a hefty stein of Woodpecker hard cider, made in Vermont and famous for having the same consistency and nearly the same taste coming in as going out.

Ramekin,” she said.

“Yes,” I breathed. “Like foreskin, except easier to clean.”

“You like to get way up in there?” she said, a little frightened. But I could tell she was excited, too.

“You mean the computer?” I said. “Yes. Especially when I drop it on the goddamn living room floor. I like to go at it with a microscrewdriver on a static-free surface. Then I like to back it up for about 31 hours.”

“I’m pretty grounded myself,” she said, placing her feet about a yard apart. “And I always back up.”

She placed the palms of her hands against the wall.

“My last boyfriend had this, uh, 180Gb factory-installed hard drive,” she said.

“Mine was 620 gigabytes,” I said. “It actually hit the floor. I banged it up pretty bad. You’d need a special device to even recognize it.”

“Does it still…work?” she breathed.

“Hell no,” I said. “I can’t get anything done.”


“I’m going to have to do everything longhand,” I said.


About Gram the Man 4399 Articles
Gram Ponante is America's Beloved Porn Journalist


  1. Why can’t you just flip a latch and remove the battery? Is this another one of those famous Mac advantages?

  2. @Duamuteffe: Thank you. It is now fixed and restored and I am spending the long weekend catching up on my lost week.

    @Dirty Dan: The laptop battery does slide right out with the simple double-thumb flippage of a latch, but it was the hard drive that needed to be removed and checked, so I had to lift up the keyboard, etc., and that is SUPPOSED to take some doing.

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