That declaration almost always comes unbidden and a propos of nothing. What does it mean? I imagine it’s supposed to get you to think a certain way, because I hear it a lot from strippers, dead-eyed and hustling for tips.
But you can’t make up a look like the one painted across Nicole Ray’s face.
Ray, the poi ball spinning teen from Carbondale, visited a sunny home in a gated Thousand Oaks community to besmirch and anoint a white sofa with Chris Charming three years ago this month for a Hustler Lindsey Lohan parody.
Remember Lindsey Lohan? It only gives me a small amount of comfort to observe that Porn has chosen to stay away from Lindsey Lohan lately.
There are porn stars who could open their legs as wide as their joints would allow and you still would not have a sense that they’d do anything but lie there texting. But Ray is the real deal.
This morning I went to Staples to buy one of those hard plastic, cleated rolly mats for my office chair (my dog ate the last one). The woman at the register saw me eyeing the 5.5-pound drum of Red Vines.
“Impulse purchase?” she suggested.
“It would be more healthy to eat this mat,” I said.
“Those spikes on the bottom look cruel,” she said.
“You’ve probably had some rich office experiences,” I said.
“Don’t get me started,” she said.
See, I think she‘s a very sexual person, and I would like to get her started.
Previously on Porn Valley Observed: Lindsey Lohan celebrated pornographically
i love nicole i want porn film