I would like to think that I am not the only person in the world who cares that women who’ve never had children are being cast, willy nilly, as milves. What’s next? Fake orgasms?
But here is the otherwise-conscientious studio Wicked putting the childless Lisa Ann on the cover of “Mommies Gone Bad.”
Could there be some mistake?
I watched Lisa Ann’s scene in the movie, hoping that perhaps hers was simply the most arresting picture in the gallery and it was placed on the cover even if she weren’t a mom but, say, the mom’s slutty best friend.
Nope.
Harried housewife Lisa Ann bathes her feet in a kiddie pool before lapsing into a “Drenched In Love”-adjacent fantasy in which Chris Johnson munches her birth canal. Granted, I don’t (and neither do you) want to see children, but aren’t there enough actual mothers in the porn business so that even the machine-crafted and no-nonsense Lisa Ann can do a thousand other movies instead?
Employing the savvy Wicked tactic of introductory voiceovers (this job is usually given to jessica drake), director Jonathan Morgan has Lisa Ann set up the five scenes.
“This is what happens when Mommy’s Gone Bad,” she says, suggesting that whoever designed the boxcover didn’t get the memo.
Don’t get me wrong: America loves Lisa Ann, even if she’s wearing an outfit on the cover that doesn’t appear in the movie. And I would be happy to impregnate her for a modest fee so that her next MILF movie is an honest one.
Buy “Mommies Gone Bad” here
Previously on Porn Valley Observed: Industry making strides in MILF compliance, but still uncertain about cougars; Alternate dialogue for a MILF movie; Gram Ponante launches International MILF Registry
See also: Wicked
Gram Ponante is America's Beloved Porn Journalist
I too would like to go the record saying that I would impregnate Lisa Ann for a modest fee. Maybe even for free.