Baby, I’m’a freak you. I’m’a freak you inside out. I’m’a freak you like you be Pavlov’s dogs, with stomachs on the outside o’ they bodies, and when the bell rings, I’m’a freak you again. Woman: tomorrow morning you gonna wake up drenched in love.
—sadly, this is not an actual quote from “Drenched in Love.”
[audio:http://gramponante.com/GPImages/GPVids/DrenchedinLove.mp3|titles=Joke1|artists=GramPonante]
Studio: Wicked
Director: Skye Blue
Starring: Marcus London, Poppy Morgan, a waterfall, Britney Amber, Halie James, an engagement ring, Anthony Rosano, Barrett Blade, champagne flutes, TJ Cummings, Diana Doll, Carlo Carrera, a man’s open shirt
Wicked Pictures, which to my mind has always been the most romantic of all the porn studios, has launched its “Passions” imprint to cash in on the latest Porn Valley trendlet of couples’-friendly erotica.
Bearing a sticker that reads “Display in Couples’ Section” (I admit that I haven’t been in too many adult stores, but I have never seen a couples’ section), “Drenched in Love” is an actual title of an actual film and not something I just made up because I’ve been guzzling Benadryl.
The boxcover features Diana Doll (whom I first thought was Stormy Daniels, a person who hasn’t been very couples’-friendly lately, but then again I’m the last person who should teach ballet, and yet here I am with my own nationally recognized African American modern dance ensemble) gazing archly at a nude Carlo Carrera. This pose suggests that the woman is in control, especially since she still has clothes on. You can learn a lot from a boxcover.
But was “Drenched in Love” a movie I was just going to make fun of without watching it? Nay; I am not that kind of reviewer, or man. Surely these companies (New Sensations also has a Romance line) must know something about the consumer that I don’t. My limited perception of movies like these is that they are designed for men to get their porn-averse girlfriends to watch smutty movies with them.
“Drenched in Love” was written and directed by Skye Blue, a former performer with a long track record of high-gloss couples’-friendly movies. It features a lot of kissing, a lot of cunnilingus, a lot of fireplaces, a lot of doe-eyed men gazing uncertainly into the eyes of their women, some waterfalls, the presentation of a ring (but not the One Ring), and more cunnilingus, because chicks dig when you mouth their snatches.
Marcus London is so busy mouthing the snatch of Poppy Morgan that these two subjects of the Queen forget to speak British to each other.
The dialogue is limited to “Oh! It’s beautiful!” (re: the ring) in this movie, which Ms. Blue also takes credit for writing. But 99 percent of the other words are a voiceover by someone named Heidi Sikes, delivered by jessica drake.
I took the time to transcribe the entire voiceover, and I present it here, broken up by scenes (scenario 3’s “huntsman” is Barrett Blade):
Serene. Capturing their outpour of passion. A delirium of cascading affections. Drenched in desire. Wet with temptation. Closely inhaling each other’s essence, they become one breath, one meaning. Tranquilized by their thirst for lust, they surrender into a trance of satisfaction, letting nothing deny their acts of pleasure. Laced together, they fully entwine, sinking below the surface of Knowing. They play in the pulses of a perfect rhythm, bathing themselves in serenity.
I am a dreamer, envisioning all white. A Warm night, the champagne flowing. The way the fabric feels against my soft, sexy skin. A Walk of enchantment towards the man of my desires, creating memories to last a lifetime, centered around the illusions of my mind, knowing I have found him, my true someone.
He’s my rugged huntsman, a little rough around the edges but smooth on the inside. Like a taste of sweet nectar dripping down my throat, a dangerous treat to tempt my senses. Just how I like them. There’s nothin’ hotter than a sexy man showing off his shaft of steel. And I am ready to be his target. I’m all about finding him a way to fine-tune his pursuit: capture and release. Fire away, Baby (laughs). His manly touch has a way of tempting me. And when I get up on top, I can’t resist his hardy backbones, giving him the prettiest little trophy to claim.
Bold and beautiful, a striking seduction, drawn in by temptation. Lured by a man with a sensuous plan. A man with a need. Erotic. Desirable. Sultry. Hot. I am here for his pleasure. Driven wild by his touch, led by his words, I feel the pressure of his lust rising, and I give in to temptation. Surrender to his touch, nothing for me is concealed, and I am adorned in the beauty of his gift.
Innocent encounters come unexpectedly and leave us breathless. Each moment passes slowly as we anticipate. All the while we are devoured by desire. We are taken into a deeper trance of sexual attraction which makes us beg to be taken. We spend a few moments figuring out what our next move should be, and we decide to take a chance. He was so charming, and he opened the door to my heart. It didn’t make sense that I would be the aggressor, but I just had to have him. He wasn’t a man that I could let slip through my fingers—and I didn’t. Every ounce of my body was saying Yes, and in my mind I had made love to him several times before we had even left the bar. It’s in that brief period of time you fantasize and find yourself dripping wet from excitement, ready to give him what he wants, ready to take what I want.
Again, even though I am now a famous porn director, I can’t claim to know who buys this stuff, but I’m not sure I want to meet the woman who is turned on by this writing. Still, I will be the first to say (well, maybe the second) What do I know?
Since I am tremendously aroused by the sound of my own voice, I have re-recorded the voiceover for your sensual pleasure.
[audio:http://gramponante.com/GPImages/GPVids/DrenchedinLove.mp3|titles=Joke1|artists=GramPonante]The couples in this movie are very attractive, as is their genuine positive regard for each other. That said, the “not based on actual events” disclaimer at the end is disquieting: does this mean real couples can’t be drenched in love?
Buy “Drenched in Love” here
Previously on Porn Valley Observed: “Sanatorium”—in the desert, you can remember you’re Tabitha Stevens; Poppy Morgan’s ass in need of repair
See also: Wicked
“hardy backbones” ? What is this I don’t even
I don’t know either. I listened to it three times. I felt I owed it that much.