False Cuckolds and sex on pool tables: Alia Janine makes her presence felt

Alia Janine no longer drinks Jagermeister, doesn't like turnips, and prefers pool tables to desks

Anyone who has ever had sex on a beach, “From Here To Eternity” style, has regretted it, no matter how fun it looks. Why, then, are people still fucking on pool tables? And why does Porn Valley continue to misuse the word “Cuckold”?

I recently saw Alia Janine fucking on a pool table in a movie that misused the word “Cuckold,” so I thought I’d ask her.

“People like pool tables because 1) they’re awesome, and 2) not that many people actually have an opportunity to bang on one so, why not?” says Janine, utterly unapologetic about the billiards balling myth she is helping to perpetuate.

Janine stars with Sean Michaels in a movie called “Evil Cuckold 4,” in which the actual cuckold seemed quite pleasant.

“I totally want a pool table,” Janine says. “Just not to bang on, but to actually play the game.”

Gram: But why in the name of River City would you fuck on a pool table, even in a scene, when there were plenty of Porn Valley IKEA couches in close proximity?

“During the scene, because of the positions, I didn’t get felt burn. When I was 19 and a cocktail waitress, well, that’s another story. My whole spine was burned up and that’s Reason #2 why I don’t drink Jager.”

Gram: Are there other Porn-Standard surfaces that you wish the script didn’t call for?

“The worst place is definitely a desk for me,” Janine says. “I tend to be taller than my partners in certain scenes, and we always end up on a desk and it’s the worst. I’m always bruised and sore after desk scenes.”

Janine strikes a great balance between Too Accessible and Predatory, which are the Scylla and Charybdis of porn cougar motivations. Instead, she is confident and secure and long-leggedy.

“I think confidence is key for seduction,” she says. “You really only have to seduce the people that aren’t that easy to get to, and you need confidence to conquer that. Of course, in that scene I guess you can say we were acting.”

Gram: So Sean Michaels wasn’t really your husband’s best buddy just over to shoot some hoops in your back yard and who was at first resistant to your advances?


Gram: Oh. Now that we know you don’t have sex on pool tables even though I only use Jagermeister for good, not evil; How about cuckolds? In “Evil Cuckold 4,” if your husband became willing to watch, he wasn’t being cuckolded, and he wasn’t “evil.” Clearly the series suggests that it is Sean Michaels who is evil, but he’s not the cuckold. In your scene everyone was fairly kind. You were the only remotely evil one. I have not once met a person who was cuckolded in the porn sense. Have you been involved in any of those triangles in real life?

“No, I can’t say that I have” Janine says. “But, I do know a couple in Chicago that loves it, so it’s definitely out there.”

Gram: It’s always Chicago. You were a stripper before you came to porn, and I have always thought strippers understood the front lines of the commoditization of sex better than porn performers who only sell autographs, not lap dances. If you’re in the business of being wanted sexually, how often does that cross your mind, and is it ever distracting? Are you ever at Ralph’s and think, “I am just trying to buy these turnips; would you all please stop wanting me sexually?” Me, I’ll be at Ralph’s and feel those women’s eyes burning through me, undressing me, covering me with oils, and I’ll be all like, “Well Yes, but at least it isn’t part of my job description…”

“Yes, it’s hard not to cross my mind when I can’t even see my own feet standing straight up,” Janine says. “Although I’ve never purchased a turnip before, it can be annoying during any shopping experience. Checking someone out is completely different than someone giving you catcalls publicly. The lack of self control disturbs me the most.”

You do not need self-control to visit Alia Janine on her new site.

  • Buy “Evil Cuckold 4” here.

Previously on Porn Valley Observed: Casing the sausage (party); Wittols—cuckolds without the consequences; The loneliness of the long-distance biker-MILF
See also: Alia Janine

About Gram the Man 4399 Articles
Gram Ponante is America's Beloved Porn Journalist

1 Comment

  1. I don’t see why you have to drag the poor turnip into this expose of fraudulent cuckold scenes.

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