There is a reason why Lois and Bonnie are “drawn that way” in “Family Guy,” and Aurora Snow and Jennifer White don’t disappoint when they get maps of Rhode Island dropped on them in this Don’t-Hate-It-Because-It’s-Inevitable porn adaptation from Lee Roy Myers.
Family Guy
Studio: Full Spread Entertainment/LFP
Director: Lee Roy Myers
Starring: Aurora Snow, Anthony Rosano, Misty Stone, Tyler Knight, Sarah Shevon, James Deen, Jennifer White, Dick Delaware, Tommy Pistol, Ron Jeremy
(Portions of this review first appeared on Fleshbot.com)
Here’s why porn is unfair: Anthony Rosano and Aurora Snow do better Rhode Island accents in Lee Roy Myers’ “Family Guy XXX” than Robin Williams did his Masshole imitation in “Good Will Hunting.” Yet who won an Oscar?
Most low-budget weekend porn parodies have no choice but to look like they were made in a weekend, especially since Porn Valley has been on parody rations for the last several years. But “Family Guy XXX” is a pleasant exception.
It’s not just that “Family Guy” is a show most porn people have seen (unlike, say, “WKRP in Cincinnati”) that makes performers like Rosano, Snow, White, Tyler Knight as Cleveland, and James Deen as Quagmire effective in pulling off the lines, it’s also that Myers doesn’t water down the dialogue for a porn audience.
“These rings mean that, when I say sorry, I can put my wang back in your beav,” says Peter to Lois, and it’s true.
The production isn’t cut, lit, or miked nearly as precisely as the cartoon, so many lines that would be very funny in a script fall flat (Tyler Knight, one of porn’s best actors, acts as hard as he can as the drawly Cleveland, but it’s the editing, not the delivery, that lets the words hang).
And it’s not necessarily something we can expect to see improved, either. Now that today’s porn can be made for a ridiculously small amount of money, it will continue to be. So the things that can speed up a movie, such as a legitimate soundtrack and versatile editing (as opposed to the porno-standard, deadline-driven one-edit-fits-all variety), won’t show up unless there’s money for them.
Thus, funny cutaway segments that are the hallmark of “Family Guy” don’t do as well in the parody, though I bet “Two And A Half X-Men” (starring Tommy Pistol and Seth’s Beard) were probably a hoot to read.
That doesn’t keep the production from trying, though, and it’s the effort that is appreciated in cameos like that of Ron Jeremy, who shows up at the bottom of a toilet.
But it is Snow and White (Holy Shit “Snow White”!), who really capture “Family Guy”‘s MILFy appeal: we know why both Gene Simmons and Quagmire had the hots for Lois, and Snow is all womanly once out of her green blouse and tan pants. Ditto Jennifer White doing Jennifer Tilly’s voice proud.
So, for a production in which Dick Delaware’s wheelchair was probably the most expensive line item, “Family Guy XXX” proves again that pornographers should just be given more money.
Buy “Family Guy XXX” here
Previously on Porn Valley Observed: Labor Day in Porn Valley; I’ll be your Dream Warrior, Jennifer White
See also: Hustler
Gram Ponante is America's Beloved Porn Journalist
