Father Nog spotted over Chatsworth

The spirit of holiday generosity is known by different names around the world. In some places he is called Santa Claus, in others St. Nicholas. In Finland Father Christmas comes from Korvatunturi in the north of that country. in Belgium he is le Père Noël, while in Germany he is Der Weihnachtsmann.

But in Porn Valley, San Francisco, Las Vegas, Tampa, and certain parts of Arizona, everyone from webcam girls who perform solo masturbation with toys to gonzo performers who get gangbanged with bags on their heads expect a visit from Father Nog.

“Droppin’ Nog!” cries Father Nog as he passes over the Archstone Apartments in Chatsworth, pulling a train of former contract stars and FOXE Awards presenters.

Father Nog is represented as an elderly gentleman with a wooden prosthetic filled with viscous holiday fluid. As they kneel in front of him, porn performers get hosed in the mouth or face by Father Nog’s benevolent streams.

The Passing of Father Nog

The gonzo girls woke, gaping
And pried their lids apart
And in Dentoned feet they crept like cats
Down creaking stairs where waited there
The brandy-smelling gentleman
So close to porn stars’ hearts:
Father Nog!

His boots were made of sausage
His merkin flecked with gray
And in his trousers lurkin’ were
The double tins of cinnamon
And nutmeg that filled hollow leg
For unscrewing there today
Father Nog!

A yellow calloused digit
Went quickly to his lips
For, spying barely legals, knew
That nigh on slumbered boyfriends who
Would rather have their eyes ripped out than
See their meal tickets at Noggie’s hips
(Father Nog)

“One taste, my tender spritelings
Then off I’ll be like wind
You’ll sample my concoction that is milky
As it’s frothy and quite eggy with its brandy
And you’ll know then why
The blender is our friend.
- Nog, Father: Left on Nordhoff (2007)

Sweet Susie stepped forward
To take the tepid stream
Unloosed by Noggie’s gyroscoping egg-nog pump
Developed by Nordic men of Hrothgar’s line
Who slew the twisty Fire Worms
With sim’lar creamy streams
Father Nog!

Young Jenna with her aperture
Stretched like spelunkers’ dreams
Increased to ten the oxygen
That filled the hose in which then rose
The gushing jets of Christmas cheer
That burst from Noggie’s jeans
Father Nog!

And then into the grating
Where lights fluorescent whined
Went Father Nog, his tubing spent
Of all the essence of his love
Until the day when filled again would his leg be
Alas, next Christmas time.

Here’s hoping that Father Nog comes to your house tonight!

Previously on Porn Valley Observed: Account of a visit from federal agents