Five women get at your urethra, heart

Using a clawlike come-hither motion that can employ as many as seven digits on two hands, pornographer panelists at last night’s “Sex Savvy: Smart Women in Porn“ seminar at West Hollywood’s Pleasure Chest demonstrated methods of stimulating women that resembled arthritic jazz hands, an elaboration on Ronnie James Dio’s devil horns, and Christopher Lee’s interpretation of the troubled wizard Saruman.

Candida Royalle, Nina Hartley, April Flores, Miss Jaiya, and moderator Jayme Waxman spent an informative, engaging, and lively hour discussing their ownership of their professions, battles with anti-porn feminists, and the reluctant use of the word “porn” before 80 percent of them began throwing vulvar gang signs.

“With this you can stimulate the urethra, hook your thumb over to the G-Spot, get the A-Spot with this finger, and with the other hand stimulate the clitoris,” said Royalle, posing her hand in a way that, in another context, would conjure spirits.

Hartley, Jaiya, and Waxman offered variations that lucidly drove the point home that women can no longer be stimulated by frilly nightclothes and Capri cigarettes alone.

I enjoyed the panel and the Pleasure Chest’s cozy setting, SRO at about 30 people. In that intimate setting I wasn’t conscious, as I am sometimes in larger rooms featuring similar subject matter, of the panelists needing to perform. Instead, last night’s discussion seemed like a conversation between friends.

But there were subtle disagreements.

Royalle pulled rank on Hartley who, only pushing 51, doubted her elder’s assertion that sex got better after 50.

“I have a few years on you,” Royalle said, and backed it up with a story about fucking John Holmes behind the scenes of a movie in the late 70’s.

“All right,” Hartley said. “We can’t top that.”

Then Hartley noted that she no longer has time to have bad sex so all the sex she currently has is good.

“You can’t prioritize at 23,” Hartley said.

“I’m hoping you can tell people how to have the sex you’re having in your 50s at 35,” Waxman said.

Probably the most helpful anecdote of the evening came from Miss Jaiya, who offered a tactical tip on dealing with one’s partner’s gas. This was after she described getting her husband on all fours and vigorously jerking him off while milking his prostate (“That position allows the best access,” she said).

“I was getting my anus stretched for a video,” Jaiya said, “and I had gas. I was mortified, but [My partner] said, ‘Thanks for relaxing.'”

I look forward to other appearances by this quintet, but I’d choose a different title than “Smart Women in Porn.” It suggests that the participants are an exception to the rule, thus negating the image these very women have worked hard to create.

No one would get away with titling a panel “Smart Men in Porn,” after all, or “Brainy Blacks And Asians,” and, while it would appeal to me as a surrealist to hear about pee-hole stimulation from a panel named “Crispy Wheats And Raisins,” I suggest “Urethra Franklin.”

Previously on Porn Valley Observed: “The Pond gets smaller so the fish get bigger”: What “Naughty Nannies” finally reveals is better than what it doesn’t; Sex workers like bacon, can operate in small spaces
See also: Jamye Waxman, Nina Hartley, Candida Royalle, Miss Jaiya, April Flores, The Pleasure Chest