I’m not saying that 94 percent of all porn might as well have been squeezed out of the same crusty tube, but I defy you to tell me why switching the boxcovers of “Gangbang Extreme Teens” and “Fuck the Babysitter” would make a damn bit of difference.
The intriguingly-financed Bluebird Films has released two movies whose boxcovers really don’t say anything about the movie inside, thus raising the troubling thought that none of this really matters.
Employing the time-honored but personally-objectionable practice of putting a finger in one’s mouth to telegraph easy corruptibility, Bluebird places a pigtailed woman on the cover of not “Fuck the Babysitter” but “Gangbang Extreme Teens.”
I don’t need to tell you that you can’t be extreme with pigtails.
Meanwhile, what on the box of “Fuck the Babysitter” suggests a babysitter? Certainly not the bandanna? The glasses? And why is that dude wearing a watch? That’s stupid.
If it were up to me, I would name these films “Fuck This Finger Out of My Mouth” and “Watch, Bandanna, Glasses XXX.” At least it would be less confusing.
Previously on Porn Valley Observed: Tori Black, you is my plumber now; Stoya has a pretty mouth; Finger-in-the-Mouth—It needs to stop
Gram Ponante is America's Beloved Porn Journalist
I like to think there was a dartboard and a blindfold involved in the decision-making process of most porn box covers.
Because I had to remove my own eyes from shame a while ago, I initially misread “dartboard” as “daffodil.”
I don’t see how that happened, but okay, lol.