Getting Corky with Gianna

Where I come from (GPS coordinates: 30.4813°N 89.7690°W), if you call someone thick, you are calling her retarded. And while having sex with the mentally disabled is arguably the subject matter of 90 percent of JM Video’s titles, it is that other meaning of “thick,” the one involving childbearing hips and breasts that dangle and spread to the east and west when their bearer is supine, that we’re talking about today.

New Sensations’ “I Love Thick Girls” is a collection featuring the substantial muffintoppery of Gianna Michaels, Jenna Doll, Cassandra Calogera, Rucca Page, Chavon Taylor, and Emily George, each of whom delivers a scene that you want to cover with butter and smack around the room.

But the zesty abandon with which these womanly women attack their work makes me aware of a double standard. When you watch Gianna or Rucca do it, it’s “lust for life.” If you watch a 90-lb. spinner behaving that way, it’s “crackhead.” We just trust heavier people more.

The undulating flesh of these women is like the hypnotizing, sentient ocean planet Solaris, except “I Love Thick Girls” isn’t nearly as long as the Tarkovsky movie.

“Repeat after me,” the movie said, “Cassandra Calogera is like Stoya if Stoya cloned herself and wore her clone’s skin as a Stoya suit.”

So even though there is a tattoo in this movie that is, in fact, retarded, buying “I Love Thick Girls” could very well be the smartest thing you’ve ever done.

I will send my copy of this movie to the first (legally eligible) person to tell me what the headline means.

  • Buy “I Love Thick Girls” here

Previously on Porn Valley Observed: Theoretical milves; BBW alarmists lighten up; Long shots – “Young Girls with Big Tits”
See also: New Sensations

About Gram the Man 4399 Articles
Gram Ponante is America's Beloved Porn Journalist

4 Comments

  1. "Corky" in reference to Life Goes On, which I've never seen and avoided like the plague? Ain't right, G, although I laughed loudly. Down Syndrome doesn't equate to retar… errrr, thickness, does it?

  2. Double meaning, first Corky the lovable character from Life Goes On.
    And second the definition of corky is-(Lively; buoyant .cork'i·ness n). So Gianna and Rucca are both lovable and buoyant. Or it could be that every time I see Gianna my mind turns to mush and I appear retarded.

  3. Christopher beat Michael by a mere 19 minutes but Yes, you're both right. Christopher, I believe you've won a contest before, but please re-send me your snail address and a declaration that you, [state your name], are over 18 and that it is legal for you to receive pornography.

  4. Mail sent 😀

    I almost didn't get it done – had connection problems with the comments earlier. I had to refresh it several times to get it to connect. I wasn't having problems with any other site at the time. I blame the ghost of Corky.

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