Getting physical with Bree Olson

Today, in a warehouse in downtown Los Angeles, Bree Olson took a mousy, fearful college girl and turned her into some sex-caked harlot who will attain no more applicable skills at her university other than fucking the shit out of you.

Like ZZ Top and Stockard Channing, Bree Olson’s character in [an Adam & Eve production of an Andre Madness film] “Bree’s College Daze 3” is a change agent. She descends on a situation, assesses its posibilities, and then acts. In this case, she made Dani Jensen who, in Act I, was an affable but bespectacled (of course) and socially inept scholar, into a stank-craving skank by the end credits.

In between the 13-day “Rawhide II” and now, Madness has directed four movies. This is a quickie at two days, but the film has heart.

“I think the first ‘Bree’s College Daze’ sold like a hundred thousand copies,’ said publicist extraordinaire Wayne Hentai with practiced casualness, his eyes even traveling up and to the left on the word ‘think,’ as if accessing information for the first time. “It’s gotten a great response.”

Hentai is one of four people still left working in the adult industry.

So Olson’s character never seems to attain a degree, but instead transfers in and out of colleges, getting in adventures. In “Bree’s College Daze 3,” for example, the voluptuous blondie helps women at an all-girls’ school get in touch with their femininity by any means necessary.

I was on hand during an aerobics sequence in which several fitness model extras joined Olson in some calisthenics. At that time, Jensen makes platonic overtures to Olson, who promptly forces her into a girls’ shower gangbang that was like “Carrie” without the telekinesis and pigs.

You will forgive me for these photos. Someone very close to me discovered an aperture setting I until today was not aware of.

I think Bree Olson is delicious. One wants to ride her like a flesh toboggan. But her presence in a room full of toned extras executing gym routines emphasized the difference between Porn Pretty and Magazine Pretty. The non-sex extras were Magazine Pretty but people like Olson, Caitlin Cash, Jensen, and Nicole Ray were voted most likely to deliver. By me.

“I never thought I was that cute,” said Nicole Ray. I took the bait.

“Oh but you are,” I said.

“I was 18 in Illinois and someone told me I’d be good for porn,” she said. “And the only way to get out of my town was as a trucker – and you always come back – or in the military – and you always come back – or in a body bag.”

But it was at a Cavefest in Murphysboro’s Shawnee Cave that Ray learned another marketable skill: Sock Poi Spinning.

“Somebody taught me one trick,” she said, “and now I can do this anywhere.”

Indeed, Ray had a pair of long socks each weighted with a ball that she spun like a martial artist. I thought of the party tricks I could do, like drawing a map of the United States or eating all your food, and realized I had little to offer by comparison.

Nicole Ray is a bundle of energy. I met her on the set of “Hustler’s Untrue Hollywood Stories.”

“I was with Chris Charming,” she said. “His cock was too big. I felt like I had food poisoning. It was way up in my stomach.”

With real sadness, I thought: I just broke up with Nicole Ray.

Still, I said, “You should be the poster girl for Women Who Like Men with Smaller Penises. It would be a real service to them.”

“I totally should!” she said. Earlier she had an even better business idea: “Square stripper poles,” she said. “Think about it.”

The room was hot and sweaty, but in a good way. Bree thinks “Bree’s College Daze 3” will be released around February. I took picture after picture, but none captured the perspiration, nudity, or sense of redemption I personally felt.

“They don’t need pictures to feel the power of your words, Grams,” Bree Olson did not say.

Previously on Porn Valley Observed: Nicole Ray just is; “The Five“; Aloha spirit on the Vazquez Rocks
See also: Adam & Eve