Godspeed, Atlantis. Wipe, please

This final image of Lexi Belle from “Real Housewives of the San Fernando Valley” naturally made me think of the hope and fond wishes the world has for the last Space Shuttle mission, which launched Friday morning from Cape Canaveral.

Oh! I have slipped the surly bonds of my entrammeling urethra
— Grunted something, and come on the face of Lexi Belle

I needn’t tell you how like a Shuttle launch are the climactic moments of a porn movie, what with the solid rocket boosters falling away and dropping, lifeless, into the sea, the docking with the International Space Station and the sleepy feeling that induces and the confusion, after it’s all over, about what was actually accomplished.

No, we need only look at the result of successful exertions on Lexi Belle’s face, the exhausted droop following a job well done, and her continued positive feelings for the future to know that this is not the last time Lexi Belle’s face will be the surface of a safe landing, and that this is not America’s last trip into space.

Previously on Porn Valley Observed: Before America was America: Your people call it porn, We call it Tanner Mayes; When this old world starts getting you down, Kagney Linn Karter is up on the roof

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Gram Ponante is America's Beloved Porn Journalist

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