PORN VALLEY, Calif—Gram Ponante, named America’s Beloved Porn Journalist by the Council of Elders, today announced he will not photograph any woman who has either been accused or exonerated of the charge of murdering her offspring.
“By that I mean post-natally,” Ponante clarified. “I continue to be a big fan of birth control and a woman’s right to choose to terminate a pregnancy.”
Ponante is responding to what he calls the “troubling” press announcements of, first, Vivid co-founder Steve Hirsch and, this week, Hustler publisher Larry Flynt claiming they had made offers to Casey Anthony, who this month was found not guilty of murder, to film for Vivid or pose for Hustler.
Both Hirsch and Flynt allege they have been contacted by numerous people seeking to see a nude Anthony. Hirsch says he initially made, and then retracted, an offer, but Flynt says he offered Anthony $500,000 to appear in Hustler.
Flynt told talk show host Nancy Grace that he had been approached by “droves of men” concerning Anthony.
“I have met and spoken with the estimable Mr. Flynt,” said Ponante, “and his security team is adept and professional. I am wondering if they were all on break when the droves of men got through to speak so coherently with him.”
Similarly, attorneys for Anthony’s parents say that Flynt’s assertion that “talks are ongoing” is “nonsense.”
But Ponante acknowledges a gray area.
“I took photographs of Amy Fisher naked, for example,” Ponante said, “because she was not successful in removing from the planet the person she wanted to kill. And Fisher subsequently apologized to, and was forgiven by, her victim.”
Ponante agrees with Playboy founder Hugh Hefner, who would not countenance an Anthony pictorial. Still, Ponante felt the need to explain further.
“Don’t get me wrong; I like women who get in motor vehicle accidents, bounce checks, drink too much, eat at Jack in the Box more than once a month, drop out of school, have complicated relationships, act inappropriately, and who have a history of preventing pregnancies or even aborting fetuses,” Ponante told the Ladies’ Auxiliary of the Porn Valley Chamber of Commerce. “But once that infant is outboard and just one person accuses the mom of murdering it, I’m not interested. That child needs to grow to 18 so the whole wholesome pornographic cycle can reperpetuate itself.”
Ponante added that he once had to euthanize a horse, and had trouble looking at himself naked because of it.
“Because I’m hung like one,” he sobbed.
Previously on Porn Valley Observed: What is Alt again? Visiting the “Alt to the ALT” art exhibit; Time to make the donuts with Amy Fisher
See also: Larry Flynt says he’s offered Casey Anthony $500,000 to pose in Hustler, Bad Taste: Three tales of how the porn industry creates its own problems
It’s funny ’cause it’s true.
bravo!
Amen, brother.