Unlike many marital aids, this little piece of equipment doesn’t resemble a re-imagined part of the body; instead, it looks like something Jim Henson and H.R. Giger would come up with after a Gawker Media-sponsored trip to Easter Island.
(This post originally appeared on a previous incarnation of the former Gawker Media’s sex culture site Fleshbot. Gawker Media was sued out of existence by Paypal/Palantir founder Peter Thiel in 2016, when Thiel funded Hulk Hogan’s lawsuit against Nick Denton’s high traffic blog empire—which at one time included Deadspin, Lifehacker, Valleywag, Kotaku, Fleshbot, and Defamer, among others—for publication of “The Hulk Hogan Sex Tape.” Remember sex tapes? Well, at one point they were big business. That’s how Kim Kardashian got famous! Most were created especially for the purpose of being released to porn companies for payment. In the late Hogan’s case, all the people who claimed to never want to see such a thing clicked through anyway, and Gawker got torpedoed for a life-ending $140 million. Thiel had been outed as gay by the Gawker site Valleywag in 2007. Now, as a major Trump funder/enabler, Thiel has helped bring to life a world in which the word “gay” has been erased from federal websites.)
Read more about Adam and Eve’s 5x G-Spot Hot Handle and what it should optimally do for your parts.
As a feller, my needs are few; all I ask is that you don’t stop until I tell you to, and then stop immediately. That is why there is not as much variety in sex toys for men as there is for women. For me, all that really needs to be tweaked is the air pressure.
The 5x G-Spot Hot Handle looks kind of like a sore thumb with a pronounced underbite. Your sweet lady inserts the thumb into her person, underbite up, and gently rests the nubby teeth of the underbite on her clitabulous area.
This is where the variations come in. With five settings (Foreplay, Tease, Pulsation, Vibration, and Climax) controlled by a clicker, the teeth and thumb go through a gradually-increasing series of regular patterns that feel as if Samuel Morse himself is ardently practicing his Code in your grotto.
Our subject chose not to be identified but she was well-pleased with the product, only commenting that Adam & Eve’s version of Foreplay was a hell of a lot more forward than her own. The feature that sold her on the product (to be clear, we gave it to her) was something she discovered during the second go-round: a little dial that could increase or decrease the strength of the vibrations within one of the settings.
The lone drawback was the wire from the control box to the handle which, if the user isn’t careful, could become an irritating part of the onanistic experience. Otherwise, the Hot Handle’s soothing purple/pink hue and its fresh badminton birdy scent are a welcome addition, our subject said, to a night with a Tivo’d Lorenzo Lamas and a few cartons of ice cream.
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