Her Name Is Chastity, for some reason

“I don’t think that word means what you think it means.” – Inigo Montoya, “The Princess Bride”

Playing Ke$ha in Lee Roy Myers “XXX Katy Perry Parody,” Chastity Lynn walked in, the director said, “looking way more slutty than the slutty outfit we put her in.”

This is not surprising because Lynn, who writes a very entertaining and dirty blog and has registered the domain The GangBang Girl, seems to be one of those performers who really believes in what she does. If you’d like to be in that select group of gentlemen who gangbang Chastity Lynn, you may write her secretary at gangbangchastitylynn@hotmail.com.

“I can’t be away from cock for too long,” she said on set.

I was in the small, stuffy room for just a moment. A very amiable dude named DSnoop, who happens to look a lot like Snoop Dogg and who was playing Snoop Dogg in the parody, was having trouble delivering the very black, black dialogue written for him by the very white, white Dan OhReally.

“(I won’t even attempt to re-create the dialogue, as it kills the Baby Kwanzaa.)”

But Chastity Lynn walked in, they started doing what the blood of Christ would compel people to do if Chastity Lynn walked in, looking like that, and the scene suddenly became credible.

I’d never met her before, but she looked like the type of woman one might wreck a hotel room and sell a kidney for, then, in a slim volume of autobiography, write, “it was an intense time in my life.”

“You look like you could cause a lot of trouble,” I said. “May I take your picture?”

“Sure!” she said, even though it was very hot and the scene had taken a long time.

She started to get up.

“No, just like that,” I said. “You look great just like that.

“OK,” she said. “It’s hot in here.”


I didn’t get to ask Chastity Lynn why she had chosen the name Chastity. Just looking at her made me feel like I had raped a pilgrimage cathedral full of nuns.

(portrait photos by Anthony Randall.)

Previously on Porn Valley Observed: Give me all your squirting or: When ZZ Top met “Priscilla, Queen of the Desert”; Sabrina’s Deep-Thinking Big Top Gang Bang
See also: Chastity Lynne on Twitter

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Gram Ponante is America's Beloved Porn Journalist


  1. “Princess.” Up there. Spelled incorrectly. Fix it.

    Meanwhile, I’ll be trying to utilize “kills the Baby Kwanzaa” in future conversations.

  2. Where up there did I misspell “princess”? How can I hold my head up five miles away from West Hollywood if “princess”-misspelling allegations are leveled against me?

  3. Oh, God Damn It. I have italoglaucoma and I miss every typo that’s in italics.

    Thank you for pointing that out, though. Had I revisited this story in a year and found that, I would have hated myself for having hosted a typo on my site for 12 months. “What must these people think of me?”” I would have thought, committing suicide.

    I will reassure you, though, that it was a TYPO, not a grammatical error.

    If you want grammatical errors, look at all my pre-2008 archives where I Britishly leave the punctuation outside of the quotes.

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