“Here Cums the President”: POTUS Interruptus*

It is a sad fact that much of today’s pornography lacks a certain audacity of hope. But “Here Cums the President,” a sweeping tale of chief executive liaisons throughout the history of our Republic, was made by a man who really wanted to see presidents having sex.

“I had an idea for a movie that could be interesting, that hadn’t been done before,” said screenwriter/co-director Ronald Raygun in a quote that didn’t really justify that thing I wrote leading up to it.

Still Raygun who, along with shadowy partners Mr. A and Mr. B of the brand new Capitol Entertainment Agency (CEA), is funding a $90,000 feature that not only covers the oft-pornolized Monica Lewinsky affair (Lisa Ann in a blue dress and James Deen with a sax), but also treats us to a roller-blowjob between Franklin Roosevelt and Lucy Mercer (Tommy Gunn and Phoenix Marie).

See the gallery for a photo of the craft services table, which featured caterer Erica Payne’s delicious homemade food—including lemon squares—that I would gladly pay $90,000 for.

Raygun, when he is not Raygun, is a TV writer. Therefore his dialogue is much more ambitious than most porn scripts.

Don’t get me wrong—porn scripts aren’t written by dumb people; they are written by smart people who eventually find they need to be dumbed down.

But in the case of “HCP,” people like Anthony Rosano absolutely nailed his part (as well as Kristina Rose) as Richard Nixon in China. And others, like Diamond Foxx as Marilyn Monroe servicing Rocco Reed’s JFK, delivered both her lines and fellatio perfectly.

CEA is based in Washington D.C., so Raygun’s knowledge of presidential sex scandals is a little more specific.

“We all grew up with politicians,” Raygun said, “and I don’t think everyone will know who (FDR mistress) Lucy Mercer is, but if there are enough symbols, like the wheelchair and his cigarette, people will fill in the rest.”

For example, Tommy Gunn doesn’t actually have polio and Lucy Mercer didn’t look a goddamn thing like Phoenix Marie. But I believed it.

The production wrapped in three days but it seemed like more.

“The HIV scare happened, so we had some people dropping out, and then some people dropped out independent of the HIV scare,” said producer Lee Roy Myers, who brought his longtime crew with him.

“But in every case,” said financier Mr. B., the people we got were better than the more famous people they replaced.”

This was especially true of Foxx, who was the third choice for Marilyn Monroe, but whose performance proved her to be the obvious choice.

“I just breathe my lines more and point my tits a lot,” said Foxx.

To be filming their first movie—and an expensive, self-financed one at that—in the midst of HIV scrutiny and dire economic times, didn’t seem to phase the three partners, who showed up each day wearing suits. But this was not Raygun’s first foray into porn.

“I wrote this script in 2004,” Raygun said, “and I actually wentn to Hustler with it and they offered me $10,000 for it. At first I balked, because the Writers’ Guild minimum is something like $30,000. Then [Larry Flynt’s nephew] Dustin goes, ‘just take it—we don’t ever give people more than $500.'”

Raygun came out to California and met several (now former) Hustler employees.

“It freaked me out,” he said, “because I wasn’t ready for it to be so professional; I was worried about maintaining anonymity with my TV career. So I backed out.”

Several things about this story were charming. First, that anyone would get cold feet because a porn company was more professional than they thought possible, and second because of the canny hucksterism of the lawsuit-prone Dustin Flynt: Hustler at that time paid about $1000 per script, sometimes more. Raygun would indeed have made much more than normal by the Flynt nephew made it sound even sweeter.

Most of the cast used condoms, and much time was spent as veteran porn dudes like Alec Knight (working with the delicious Jenna Brooks as Lyndon Johnson and his secretary) and Tommy Gunn reacquainted themselves with the technology. Diamond Foxx even helped Rocco Reed get his on, which I think qualifies as a genuine Girlfriend Experience.

But on Day 3, Mr. Pete and Tori Black (as George Washington and the fictitious character Cherry), confident of their AIM tests and each other, decided to go condomless. It was as if the sun had broken through. Adult Industry Medical (AIM), Porn Valley’s de facto HIV/STD testing facility, had identified all the first and second generation contacts of this year’s Patient Zero, retested them, and received negative results.

Plus, fictitious characters don’t use condoms.

“Here Cums the President” is currently being edited for DVD release, VOD, and broadcast. It contains six scenes, two of which were filmed in an Oval Office set.

(“Oral Office,” said James Deen above Lisa Ann’s head.)

Meanwhile, CEA will begin shooting web content for a site it just acquired called Porn in the USA, and I’m hoping they take on some hot Seneca Falls girl-on-girl suffragette action, or maybe get some exotic railroad-building Asian/John Henry interracial stuff, and just think what they could do with the Teapot Dome scandal.

As long as there’s no pornic incarnations of William Howard Taft.

Previously on Porn Valley Observed:
See also: CEA

*(Damn it. You think you’re so clever until you do a Google search and find 1400 hits on “POTUS Interruptus.” Jesus.)

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Gram Ponante is America's Beloved Porn Journalist


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