Hookers have come a long way since “Les Misérables”: Gram Ponante announces “Les Jizérables”

It is said that men will fuck anything, but the new movie version of “Les Misérables” reminds us that, at one time, they drew the line at short-haired women.

Anne Hathaway plays hooker-with-a-heart-of-gold Fantine in the filmed version of the musical blockbuster, opposite Gladiator as Javert and Hugh Jackman as Jean Wolverjean. We watch as Fantine sinks to her lowest point; not merely selling her body, but selling the hair off her body, in 19th century Paris.

And then she dies. The trailer would have you think Fantine is a lead role, but this hairless wretch gets killed off in the first act.

Today’s prosties come equipped with all sorts of hairstyles: short, long, extended—and we love them forit. Maybe it took the French Revolution to show us that hair doesn’t matter; that the virtues of liberté, égalité, et fraternité don’t raise barricades against the follicularly challenged.

Or maybe it’s the fact that mandatory condom use has curtailed the desire to pull out and come in a prostitute’s hair.

Regardless, my “Les Jizérables” will remain true to Victor Hugo’s book, with some serious sewer sex, myself playing the swollen River Seine, and Francophiles Natasha Nice, Katsuni, and Manuel Ferrara in leading roles.

Previously on Porn Valley Observed: Memphis Monroe abandons contract stardom for poverty on streets of 19th century Paris; Bastille Day with Katsuni; Origin stories—Natasha Nice; Bonjour, Homewreckeur!