Hustler’s Untrue Hollywood Stories: Lindsay Lohan

Studio: Hustler
Director: Richard de Montfort
Cast: Scarlett Fay, Nicole Ray, Ron Jeremy, Sadie Swede, Eden Adams, Dylan Ryan, Chris Charming, Ralph Long

Porn parodies get a shot in the arm with “Hustler’s Untrue Hollywood Stories: Lindsay Lohan.” The interview/documentary format is perfect for pornification and leaves lots of opportunities – considering the subject matter – for debauchery.

Scarlett Fay as Lindsay Lohan is perfect, and her female costars, Nicole Ray as Scarlett Johanssen, Eden Adams as Paris Hilton, Dylan Ryan as lesbian girlfriend Sam, and Sadie Swede as Dina Lohan, are each at the top of her game in believable impersonations of the real thing.

Like the “E! True Hollywood Story” and other programs of that type, Hustler’s version establishes a small story arc – Lindsay Lohan learning to cope with fame and love – and throws in the sex more or less seamlessly.

Again, the subject matter is important. You can’t just make a porn parody of anything. But for Lindsay to nip-slip on the red carpet (followed by her mother dropping the whole package) does not require a huge suspension of disbelief.

Director Richard Montfort uses documentary style but not to distracting excess in unfolding the story. Slightly harder-edged than recent porn parodies, “HUHS” goes the extra mile in treating its subject matter as sexual animals rather than approaching them from the standard direction, that of “Wouldn’t it be interesting to see these otherwise-non-sexual characters having sex?”

So Dylan Ryan really gives Fay the lesbian treatment, bending her this way and that, and Sadie Swede envelops Rocco Reed in her glorious MILFitude. Eden Adams is all leggy, dirty angles in her scene, and the beautiful Nicole Ray drapes herself over a couch for Chris Charming.

But it is Fay who justifies her covergirl status in this movie, never breaking character and delivering a fantasy Lindsay Lohan that is probably not too far from the truth, except hotter.

(“Lindsay loves the taste of your come,” Fay says at one point, and I believe her.)

The one thing I would have liked to have seen more of was Fay’s-as-Lohan’s-as-Marilyn Monroe’s “Last Sitting” photoshoot. That it’s there at all makes this a movie that gives its audience some credit as something more than mere masturbators.

“Hustler’s Untrue Hollywood Stories: Lindsay Lohan” is a great movie in its own right that doesn’t depend on an awareness of the stars it parodies. For example, I knew nothing about Dina Lohan before this movie but now I want to know everything about Sadie Swede.

This movie was also the final project director Richard de Montfort completed before he passed away a month later. He was cheerful and energetic on the set, and clearly had no idea what the next month had in store for him. Maybe a well-made porn movie would not have been his first choice of a legacy, but it really does take a lot to do these things right, and it’s even harder to run a harmonious porn set, where cast, crew, and visitors alike remember that this is a fun job.

I’ll miss Richard for the mood he fostered on set as well as for his wit and filthy sensibility.

    Previously: Porn Crossover Watch – Lindsay Lohan; Scarlett Fay’s extensions; Lindsay Lohan as Marilyn Monroe – I don’t get it; Strollin’ in the Colon

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