If you want to be Hollie Stevens, be Hollie Stevens

Hollie Stevens is one of my favorite porn performers. Why? Because she really makes me think.

On a trip to San Francisco this week, Stevens regaled me on a wide variety of subjects, including identity theft, menstruation, and designer suicide.

First up was the issue of a San Francisco Craigslist hooker who was using her name.

“What a stupid cunt,” the real Hollie Stevens said. “She knows I live here, so she even mentioned my club.”

“What is your club?”

“I work at the Lusty Lady. It’s a peep show. And it’s unionized. I’m the shop steward.”

“You’re the union steward for peep show employees?” I said.

“Yes,” she said. “And I’m damn good.”

“I know you’re damn good.”

“I’m damn good.”

I can imagine Stevens on the waterfront, breaking legs by squeezing them between her thighs. She advises friends and supporters to harass the faux-Hollie Stevens as much as possible.

Oddly enough, Hollie Stevens, even though she smokes a hookah, is not a hooker. Further complicating things is that she is the official hooker of this site.

Stevens loves San Francisco so much that she rarely leaves it.

“I know I have to get out of San Francisco County,” she said, “but when [a Porn Valley studio] rescheduled a shoot until next month, I was really happy.”

“What do you like the most about San Francisco?” I said. “There is so much urine here, and the homeless are very dramatic.”

“Well,” Stevens said, “even the homeless have a scene here. They’re very into their own scene.”

“So if you don’t want to leave San Francisco, how can you maximize your porn potential and augment your peepshow income?” I said.

“I have the best idea for a new fetish,” she said, ” and you have to wait to the end of the description before I tell you what it’s called.”

“OK.”

“A girl gets her period, and a guy’s fucking her,” she said, “and he wipes off his dick at the end and SMACKS her in the face!”

“YES.”

“Do you know what it’s called?”

“No.”

“A Rag Tag,” she said, making me promise to give her credit for it.

The conversation at the bar turned to Docking, as this was San Francisco. Docking is when two men who love each other very much pass the time with one putting the head of his penis into the other’s foreskin. When I learned the term a few months ago, it was the first new sex term I’d heard in years.

“Well have you heard of Space Docking?” Stevens said.

No.”

“It can actually kill you. It’s when you shit in my vagina,” she said.

“Does that even sound fun?” I said.

“No, but if you want to go out in a really original way, that’s the way to go,” she said. “I’m not sure if I want to go out that way.”

This made me think of “Harold And Maude,” in which Ruth Gordon chooses the date and method of her death, while Cat Stevens (no relation) tells us the opportunity’s on.

  • Buy Hollie Stevens’ movies here

Previously on Porn Valley Observed: Hollie Stevens dodges a bullet
See also: Hollie Stevens

About Gram the Man 4399 Articles
Gram Ponante is America's Beloved Porn Journalist

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