It’s 11 a.m.—guess it’s time for an “Assacre”

Once I caught my watchband on some labia. That's no fun for anyone.
Once I caught my watchband on some labia. That’s no fun for anyone.
There is absolutely no reason to wear a watch during sex unless you are a hooker. And we all know that porn performers are not hookers.

Yet Mick Blue wears one in his scene with the delightful A.J. Applegate, who has been thoughtful enough to coordinate her eyes with her shoes and her co-star. In the middle of all this is her ass.

Far from rotting one’s brain, extended porn-watching for the purpose of one’s job is actually relaxing and contemplative. I’ll share with you my thought process, and will remind you that the first few thoughts might be NSFW, as befits this website.

3856311. Holy shit nice ass white girl.
2. I imagine that it is an effort to smile when you are putting much of your weight on your face. But I appreciate the effort.
3. You get an A.J. Applegate for effort.
4. Whatever happened to A.J. Bailey, the woman Vivid touted as the smartest woman in porn? She disappeared rather quickly.
5. I was supposed to meet A.J. Bailey one day but I met Kagney Linn Karter instead. Score!
6. Why’s Mick Blue wearing a watch? Does he have to go somewhere afterward? Does he need to take a pill or feed the meter? Jesus, that’s distracting.
7. Yup, it’s 11:00. Do you think the director of this movie—Buster Hump—pitched it by saying, “And viewers will know what time it is, too”? That should stop piracy.
8. Seriously. She has an ass that makes me rethink all my priorities.
9. God Damn It! It’s 11:05!
10. Eon McKai once told me that I don’t know what time it is. Put a dog in a movie, people will look at what the dog is doing. Balance a cup on the edge of a table and walk away, the audience will continue to look at the table. Wear a watch while you’re assfucking somebody, people will try to figure out what time it is and ignore the ass entirely.

Buy “Assacre” here

Previously: AJ Bailey—29 is the new 19
See also: Digital Sin

About Gram the Man 4399 Articles
Gram Ponante is America's Beloved Porn Journalist

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