“Jurassic: Stoned Age” or: Why You Need Kayden Kross in Your Low-Budget Comedy

If you pay attention to the work of Jacky St. James for New Sensations, Stormy Daniels for Wicked, or Robby D. for Digital Playground, you will see that each writer/director is stacking up romantic comedies (spoiler: the romance leads to sex) using a combination of comfortable Hollywood tropes: buddies with easy chemistry, self-deprecation, archetypical ensembles, etc.

Kayden Kross has appeared in a series of these for Digital Playground and now she has found a nurturing environment to keep all her clothes on.

“Jurassic: Stoned Age” is a very enjoyable 11-minute comedy about two stoners (Robert Hardin and Landon Ashworth of LRSComedy) who inherit their grandfather’s wildlife preserve, which happens to have dinosaurs on it.

The heavy star power comes in the pivotal will-reading scene, in which Kross plays paralegal to judge RICHARD MOLL.

That’s right: RICHARD MOLL. You remember Moll when he played a lovable bailiff on “Night Court,” right? Well here he is playing a JUDGE! That would be like Morgan Freeman playing a man who is driven around, 30 years after playing a chauffeur in “Driving Miss Daisy.” I can guarantee you I was happier when Richard Moll showed up as a judge than when Richard Hatch showed up on the retooled “Battlestar Galactica” playing a labor organizer.

If you didn’t know who Richard Moll is, that’s all right. Neither did Kayden Kross.

“Sorry, I don’t know who Richard Moll is,” she says when I contact her about the movie.

And that just makes you love Richard Moll more. Even though Kross was standing right next to him throughout the entirety of both their screen time, not once did Richard Moll turn to Kayden Kross and say “DON’T YOU KNOW WHO I AM?”

Would Dirk Benedict have been so humble? Unlikely.

The action then travels to the wildlife preserve, where the buddies discover that a particularly potent marijuana plant has been keeping hot women looking 22 for more than a quarter century. More satisfying than that, dinosaurs quickly eat all their male competition.

(The CGI was “all favors,” says Robert Hardin, who was also director, writer, and producer.)

Filmed over four days as a SAG-AFTRA New Media Project, “Jurassic: Stoned Age” takes place in exactly three places: the judge’s office (RICHARD MOLL!), an apartment, and Griffith Park.

“We wanted to raise the bar on low-budget sketch comedy and also just have some fun with our close friends over a weekend,” says Hardin.

Fans of porn movies that strive to be Hollywood-movies-but-with-sex will see the easy, fast-cutting banter that porn directors aim for in “Jurassic: Stoned Age,” which is bro-ish without getting ridiculous, and sexy without getting naked.

Kross joined the project on a tip from the movie’s cameraman, she says, and plays the paralegal with an easy confidence, level head, and world-weariness of someone who is hit on all the time but who only has eyes for RICHARD MOLL.

“The whole shoot was fun,” Kross says.”I do (projects like these) as often as they come along.”

In other news that peripherally relates to why Kayden Kross brings something special to any movie, she recently got a Costco membership.

“You have no idea how many carrots I brought home for my rabbits,” she says. “And razors. I will be hairless for years.”

It must be a curse, sometimes, that everything Kross says sound s sexy.

“Jurassic: Stoned Age” ends in a cliffhanger, employing the term “fear boner.” LRS Comedy, which has been updating its YouTube channel with regular new material since September, 2011, made the video in association with Wayside Creations.

Previously on Porn Valley Observed: Kayden Kross is the rabbit girl; Porn of the Ancient World: “Body Heat” or: “This Ain’t Body Heat” or: “It Gets the Hose Again”
See also: LRS Comedy